Morning of the Day 24032010

It was a nervous start of the day. I have no shield for any attacks.
So, I woke up early, took a walk in the market, bought some curry puff and nyonya cakes. And then I took a slow drive to the destination.

There, I sat in the car, held my note book in the hands, looked through it as I calmed myself. A BMW parked next to me, so near that the driver barely have any space to get out of the car. He stared at me. What was the stare??
I went out of my car through the passenger door, and I took a look at the parking space, the car was just nice in the box; the BMW, there were plenty of space still on its left side. Well, I guess, the driver should stared in the mirror instead into my eyes.

As I dressed up in the changing room, I passed the cakes and curry puff to the staffs. And then, I look into the mirror, gave a big smile and told myself, "Well, work time!"

Sn You came to me,"Hey, Ernestine, this ah, I don't know why it's not working, ...."
Sn CS came to me,"Ah, Ernestine, this camera system..."

Everybody was busy and yet friendly, these two especially are those that very understanding. Sincerely, I thank you for giving me a chance to learn.

Halfway through the procedure, the surgeon said,"Ernestine, since you are still a young girl, I have a question for you, and this question is going to affect you for the rest of your life,"
Everybody in the room, stopped and listen,"What do you think is the principles of business? It's not merely earning money, you know, it's more than that,"
First thing came into my mind,"Honesty," before I speak it out, surprisingly, that was what's in surgeon's mind too. And then people in the room were discussing about it, and the surgeon shared his thoughts too.
Throughout the procedure, the display was bad, cannot consider as good in any sense, and I tried to make the best out of it. Yet you thank me for being there.

I am just so glad, am not the only person thinks honesty should be the principle in business..
Thank you for being understanding and generous, thank you for the motivation, thank you for the friendliness you shared, most of all, thank you for giving me the chance even though things do not seem to be in good shape now.

As I was leaving, "Ah Ernestine, have you received the forceps? Why every time like this? Why it is not working properly? ...." Yeah, that was a complaint, but I heard some smile behind them. A lovely morning for her, I guess, and I was lucky. Thank you too, for skipping a day and gave me a chance to be a friend.

It was a good morning.

Today 24032010

Another morning. I need to feel motivated in my job, but im not. Im talking to myself. The atmosphere changed again. Did i offend someone? Please tell me if i did. Let's handle it instead of you handling me. Dyamm.. today is one of those days im meeting some difficult person to work with. There must be reasons.. but what?.. today you treat me well, the others you treat me like im a stranger. You're affecting my work performance lar!! :(

13032010

I am so tired, I am so in need of a good massage; of a good night sleep; of a weekend getaway..
but I just couldn't sleep well at night.
Tried to watch television for some nice movie, well, The Game Plan was a good one though; after that, nothing much to watch.
Have been facebook-ing, but can't really play any games, for my laptop has been really sick, and it can't support the graphics.
So, I thought I would come in and start blog again.

12032010

It was a great morning when I woke up; till I got a call from GL, which told me Gmc complaint about the not working device.
Not going to say much about what I faced in Gmc, but seriously I think they are a big challenge to myself, in this career. Never say NO, for now. I will take the time, and wait for the day when I can confidently confront them.

I got some calls from some friends, whom I have not contacted for some time.
Denny, a guy who helped his dad in fried chicken business, then changed to banking line; now selling chicken eggs! What a surprise, and he stations in Klang. Wow... Had some talks with him over the phone, yeh, we have to meet up some time.

Billy, an old friend of mine, someone whom I've known since I was 4 or 5 (maybe); called me in the evening as I was on my way for my game - badminton. First thing came into our conversation, "Are you still wanting to go Hatyai?" I laughed and complaint right away, that each time I have plans to go Thailand, questions like such would come, it seems like I have to be stopped from going Thai. lol
We talked about recent live; and that how this year is a very good year for us, who was born in the year of Dog. He told me that it's a good year for career, and to further it, having a partnership in business is good. Overall, everything is good, those who was born in the year of Dog, this Tiger year, YOU ARE THE BEST! wow.....
hmm. I miss ya a lot, Billy.

Today's badminton, I didn't sweat much, it was peanuts... arghhh.. I am so in need of intensive sports now! Maybe I will start my gym again, tomorrow.

12032010

Time flies.. it really went pass me, so fast, that I am not able in catching up.

Why did I doubt about myself, being of who I am? Is it because I do not have the self confidence? Is it because I do not have anyone to share my thoughts with, just could not find anyone who actually listen and try to understand, instead of pointing at me,"You should do this, you shouldn't do that,"

I used to have a close friend, whom I trusted and shared everything that came through my every day life. And then as we grew older, things changed; the trust which was built, it was then being make used of. As the years passed by, this friend has became more and more of a stranger to me, it was a shock, and then I realized, maybe I did not know this friend well enough.. Along this friendship, I experienced the cruelty of TRUST and BELIEVE. Is it true of what they said, even in Believe, there is Lie?

Ngoh, how have you been there? I do miss you. I thought I would be tough and strong, going through this another learning curve of my life, but again, I am not able to hold onto the emotions, when it comes to human interactions.
I have talked to a superior, and I was given good advices. I was told, to not to judge people, because each person has their rights to live their life as they wish or desire; politics? It's everywhere, as long as it does not affect my job performance, then I should learn to ignore it; focus on the job, and then I will be happier.
How would it be not affect my performance, Ngoh? Each and every conversations involve interactions. I know I can't expect people to treat me well, but why treat me like I am invisible? Sometimes, they way they treated me, made me feel like they are thinking I am an idiot.

I think I am ill, Ngoh. I am so full with negativity; I am so full with depressions whenever someone ignored me or things did not turn out the way I thought it would be.. Should I go for a counseling? I need to talk to someone.. I need to let go of my expression.. No one would share or listen or try to understand; whenever I tried to talk, before I could share anything, they have already set in their mind,"oh, it is this situation, you should do this, not that," Some, even when I shared, they don't give a damn.. or would just say,"things will be okay, don't worry,"

I thought I have someone to comfort me when I needed, but I think I am only shadow. I want to go away, far away.. yes, run away from all these.
They use their perceptions and make me look guilty; I defended myself, and I voiced out; What did I get? Waste of energy..
I treated them truly, all I got was,"dramatic,"; It was not only a pinch in the heart, it was a deep cut.

I have no control of how people treat me, so I should not be emotional over these;
But, all these has made me doubt about myself... am I the problem here? What wrong did I do?

General, why am I hate to call him now? Where is the lost key to our communications??
Mumusan, the cut is getting deeper by days... I am not perfect, what do you want me to do, so that I am up to the standard??

The one person I can always look up for, whenever I called, I will get help; but always I will have to go through some scoldings. What is this?? I really don't need that when I need someone to listen or to talk to...

I think I know why I don't like to call General now... the coldness in his speech, could kill. Everyone kept telling me when I joined, that he is such a weirdo, to me, he was nice; everyone kept telling me, don't worry, he is very helpful, to me, he is a mystery, share no nothing; do you know how stressful it is to interact with him?
Who I can act completely stupid with? I would say whenever i am communicating with General, I always act stupid...
I don't hate the company, the products... I thought this is such a lovely family to be with; then the pinch I felt along this learning curve, became a cut in my heart.

Sometimes, I trust a person; but after some time, the doubts would arrived, who should I trust?
Truth is always shocking..

shhh.. trust no one... and I find it difficult to reach that goal...
I want to go away.. but I have made a promise.. how ler?