Things Changed

Was that the first time, or was that the one of those times, that I tears because of the system?

I have lost count of it.

Once, Nie told me before, "Hooi, don't ever cry for a job, for you are only working for others, you are nothing tomorrow if you were to leave," I am not sure if this statement is still valid, as it was in year 2007 she told me that.

I don't change.. or I haven't change, or maybe I should say, I haven't learnt; or maybe I got smart a little already?

Not about the job, but about how well do I blend into the culture.

However, I did in fact adapt to a character, I don't argue. And for that, I guess I still pissed someone off. When I am silence, it doesn't always mean that I am wrong, or that I admit I am wrong. I just don't want to make things worst. Instead, focus on how to solve it.. Please don't take things too personally, please don't call up and burst out everything when I am in front of the client, and please don't hang up my phone.

I am not a kid, but I am a damn clumsy and blur and hell forgetful person.

Hm. Things has changed. How do you expect me to know all the procedures when you want to do it accordingly, if you do not let me know clearly, that "things has changed"?

It used to be, "hm, this and this and this is what I need, how to get all these?" then there will be,"ok, i will get it," My work was easy, because I know I have a very kind General helping out, even though I asked almost everytime, what should I do, and always I will get an aswer,"I'll do it,"

Just out sudden, I am expected to know everything.. to be honest, I seriously didn't know.

Well, it could be I am just plain "no cure". It could be the lack of communications.

I stay, for I made a promise.

I stay, for I respect and trust.

I stay, for I look at us as one family.

I stay, for I understand the cause.

but,

most of the time,

why am I feeling I am just a nobody?

My guess, you have a plan.

I will see, if I am able to wait till the day

to witness and to make a big laugh out of myself.

All in all, I still love the name.

All in all, I still hate how environment affects ones character.

The reality of a person's value is shown.

I look back..

if the time stops anytime we want it to,

I want to walk across the time,

back to the very first day,

and capture every moment,

paste it on the wall,

on the table,

in the washroom,

wherever it is,

there must be hundred or thousand..

the high and the low..

that's the reminder..

of how I used to be so in love with this family.

人性本善

一针见血，好一个形容词。

近来想了些许事物，待人处事，有时我是否太过于执着于自已的意念。。友情里，近来发生不少不愉快事件，想想，好像都是我不能接受人与人之间的背叛，人与人之间的不坦白。简单的事，为何就得把它弄得挺复杂的？其实，是他们把事情复杂化了，还是我把事情看得太透了？

我本性非如此，我本固执，但要是对方说得头头是道，足以说服我，我就接受。这分析能力，我想，修读心理学没多大的影响。。我记得，较年轻时，不停地提醒自己，从错误中学习 - 自己所经历，或是别人所经历的，都有可以学习的空间。所以每当面对某些难题，所看过，所经历过的，一一出现脑海里，久久就形成了习惯分析。

这样的自己，其实活得很辛苦，很孤单。大家没问题时，我就是一个想太多的怪家伙；有问题时，有些朋友就会找上门来。而我，学会了习惯如此的对待，因为我常告诉自己，别问别人如何对待你，而是问自己如何扮演好一个朋友的角色。这样的自己，在这样现实的社会里，总是让自己伤得遍体鳞伤。

久久，又形成了不想多说话的家伙，活在自己的思维里。这是一种病态，曾经我都会问自己，是否我患上了自闭症。我想，我是有的；曾经，我想我也患上了忧郁症。但，也就因为自己有那份分析能力，从来不允许自己乱了头脑。所以呢，挣扎得好辛苦。

看得太透，又多了份悲伤。我一直坚持，我也相信，人性本善。。 悲伤，因为我把事情看得太认真了。