Postnatal Depression?

I am not sure what is postnatal Depression

But I am not happy. It's been so long I have not felt happiness..

It seems I'm seeing everyone to think that I am one useless person. With or without me, it doesn't matter to them at all.
I want to go home but I have to wait and sometimes I even have to ask.. isn't this one of a sensitive thing a husband should know? I don't remember what I was being promised when I got proposed.. but ..

He doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't seem to be interested in how am I feeling anymore. No words of concerns nor encouragements. When I said "I need you", I have got a reply like "you know I will always support you no matter what you do" and "I need your support" ..
How is that gonna comfort my lost soul or empty souk or what so ever soul..
It's all words from mouth.. he didn't even start a conversation about it with me. He didn't ask nor comfort me with words.
And when I started to talk, I got asked back,"you want words or actions?"

Is that how marriage life is?

Once again, I have to keep all to myself.
Deal it alone.
Oh, he mentioned about don't think too much, be positive..and that was it. In a way, he asked me to deal it on my own.

Is that how marriage life is?

We hardly talk. We don't even spend time together as a family. The bonding isn't done. It's all he does his, I do mine. Tried talking to him but that's it. It stopped there.

It's all iPhone, tablets.
When there is free time, TV iPhone games tablets games always get in the way and not bonding time with the girl.

Is this how marriage life work?

It's sad that I have to write this blog..
I wrote so that whatever jumbled in my mind get out of there..
So much things inside and I can't figure which to get out first.

All romance thing.. it's not out of concern of what the person needs.. it's just out of what you think you want to do and hope to get expected appreciation.

All I need is your concern.. that you really care. Not careless. Not what you think you want to do.

So much to get out..

Gratitude, Responsibility

A lesson learnt today. 

I held responsibility to those who rely on me. I held responsibility to those I decided to allow them into my life, to whom I took them into my life by my bare hand. 

To respect others, I have to show sincerity. To hitch a place to have a roof over head for few days, I have to ask permission, no matter who that person is, I need to have a grateful attitude and be reasonable too. 

To my child, I hold so dearly in my heart, yet my actions speak another way. I should have accompany you and console you while you are here the first time, I shouldnt have left you alone for more than 10 hours and expected you to be fearless and wait for my return without anxiety nor paranoid. I am truly sorry for neglecting your feelings and fear during this period of time, i am sorry for being so selfish to enjoy my own sweet time out there in the day and left you alone in a stranger place. Despite I was having you running all over my mind while I was away, but I have never came back to check how you are doing here. 

I am sorry for what you have had to go through the whole day when you were alone, and when you were out there by the street, knowing not the slightest idea of what or how you have survived the day, which ended up by the side of a busy main road. Losing you that few hours could really tear me apart. It is my greatest gratefulness to have found you in good shape, safe and uninjured. I thank God for allowing me to once again hold you in my arm. I will appreciate more of the moments we have now onwards. 

To my mentor of life, I am sorry for I have taken things for granted. I wasnt even sincere enough to apologize for bringing my child here and knowing that she would somehow mess up the peaceful environment. I acted as if she is bigger than anything else. I am sorry that I have been rude and showed disrespect to you. I am very grateful and thank you for allowing me the second chance, for keeping my child safe despite the hours of missing in this city which she has no knowledge of. I thank you for this lesson. I learnt it a hard way. I ask for your forgiveness.. Namo amitabha.