美丽的色彩

飞得很远　　
忘了累的滋味　　
什么秘诀　　
你还坚固不移　　　　

猛然发现　　
原来童心未减　　
是你欢乐之神　　

无法不去察觉　　
那份天真可爱　　
顿时松懈我的背负　　

望着你的天真　　
我心既有了色彩　

Colorectal Laparoscopic Workshop

Awesome cases i've attended the past few days. The picture attached here is from the workshop. There was another workshop two days ago on hernias but i didn't take any pictures. From last week's congress until today's workshop, it's pretty exhausting i must say; but i do hope it's all worth it for my training here. There were three cases yesterday. Picture shown above was a Total Colectomy and Ileorectal Anastomosis case. Hm. Kind of a complicated case. It took around four hours to finish it. The surgeons were really pro in what they were doing; anyhow, if you can't see blood, you won't enjoy being in the Operation Theater (OT). If you're okay with it, you'll be amaze of how fantastic is Laparoscopy works in medical field; and how awesome are those surgeons with the skills. Well, workshops are done for this two weeks. Hm, i'm looking forward for the next one, hopefully soon. I realized, i might learn better when i'm on field. Gosh, i really do hope that i'm progressing, wouldn't wish to take too much time... Time is everything in the field. My territory is waiting!

Fuuuushaaaaa... Oooommmm ~

Wish I could write some beautiful thoughts again, sometimes.

My fingers are eagerly wanting to type those words, but heck.. my brain just ain't working.. there isn't any inspirations.

Give me sometime, maybe when I revise back what have I wrote previously, I might get something out of somewhere. =)

There is this quote I like recently - Protecting life sometimes is a matter of your point of view..

Do your best each day and never look back.

Stay positive!

Just some Voice Out of the Day

Almost the end of another day.

I was at the World Urology Congress last weekend. Hm. It was such an experience I would say, but if you were to ask, "What have you learnt?" Gosh.. I seriously can't answer that.
Hell right. I was pretty much in stress the day before the congress, trying to read through the urology catalogue, somehow I just couldn't get anything into my brain. While I was at the congress, I was too blur and didn't know what exactly to promote and how to really approach the walk in clients. At this stage, I am still having very low self-confidence. What do I know about products? What are our main products? What are the strategies?

I talked to a senior friend, she can always give me some good advices. I realized my mistakes. I have not prepared myself well by asking the right questions in preparing myself for the congress. Stress? Something I brought to myself because of my own consequences. Initiative is the word. The right question is another key. but... like I have menti0ned in my previous blogs, how do I know which is right and which is not? It ain't that I do not think, maybe I am just not that smart enough, I just can't be a smart ass as spontaneous as I could have been, aye?

I did try to listen, I did try to read. What are those difficulties I am facing? Gosh, help me. No doubt, I am feeling stress as days passes by. What have I done within these two months? Have I really tried and pushed myself? But why am I feeling so lost each and every time I attended any workshop; or ask questions; or even reading those books at my very own corner? Three months is soon finishing, and i can't wait to learn up things, but I am as if now lost in the jungle of Storz! Time is not waiting and I really do not have much time left..

It has been sleepless nights again. I try not to think about the problems currently happening at home; try to concentrate in work, try to make myself busy after work, or sometimes even sleep pretty early; but I guess, when things are left unsettled, avoiding still wouldn't help any much.

A friend once told me, when it isn't meant for us to settle, then just leave it. Can I? I tried telling my brother about what's going on, all I got was, "Don't bother," How? If them already not bothering of these, should I the only and the last one who is still staying with my family, not to bother too? I can imagine, how heartfelt pain, and lonely both them will become, whenever they ain't talking to each other. Who's gonna listen to them?

Hear but don't listen?
Ask but ain't really care?
Ask just for the sake of fulfilling their curiosity?
Those should only happen in so-so friendship.

Anyway, back to my job. Tomorrow is another workshop. Tonight, maybe, maybe I can figure out what have I missed during my last workshop lessons. Yesterday and today, I was at a workshop in Ampang Hospital. I hope, I did learn something these two days.
What is my current concentration? Check..

hm. It seems like today's blog is as lost as my current situation. sigh. What a start and what an end. Kinda lost track now, I have not been really blogging these days.

If you ask me if I like my job? Yeah, I do. I like my job, I like my colleagues. I just hate it when I am so lost.

Oh by the way, I've got my self a new nickname - Mangoesteen.. from a Prof. sigh. For those who knows me, you know how this nick came about.. what a joke..

Anyway, gonna back to hostel now. Will try to write some better blog next time around.

我，不孝。

I've left it unsettled.

I am lost and I seriously have no idea how to handle it.

I thought, I should confront them; but then one party act as if there was nothing happened, another kept telling me what had happened and what is happening; yet keep telling me, not to ask or mention anything to the other party whom involved.

What should I do? I thought of writing a letter of fact; both written and given to both parties involved; but would that worsen the situation? I have no idea.

I have not tell both my brothers about it. Is this issue something new, or to them, it's just another dramatic incident again?

My heart struggling in between, to stay back, or to leave. To stay back, so that I could know what's going on, and maybe I could help ease the situation;To leave, I just wish not to hear or know about it; in other word, I am pretending I do not know about it, then maybe it will stay in mind, that there ain't such thing happened before.

曾经的对与错，那已经是过去， 旧账别拿来今日说；要怪吗？就该看看自己当初如何处理 - 没有面对而默忍。所谓累积成多就是如此。
手指还没指向别人之前，请看看自己做了什么，是否决定那些行动之前，曾考虑了别人的立场？

别用自己的定义决定他人的行为或性格。 坦白或许更理想。
坐下想一想，问题所在是否因没有坦白而乱了双方？
再来看一看，是否若有了坦白，今天那个陌生人就没有机会乱了我们的内阁？
根本，没有人知道他是谁；咱们有的就是那些字迹，而那仅是别人的字迹。
为了一个不知名的陌生人，乱了内阁，既不是很笨拙的事吗？

没有能力一个人负担
要我怎么开口
要我如何面对
要我如何助您坚强
自己背着一颗心
努力的护着四颗心
站在十字路口
我该怎么把它画个圈圈
把每一个90°角落圆滑了

结果还是没勇气
我没有解决它
任由它“自由发展”
痛着父亲的痛
疼着母亲的疼
欺骗自己
安慰自己“不会有事的”

我
逃避了。。。

是否大哥的肩膀
二哥的胸怀
还有我依靠的空间？

我的天真造成我的自卑

我的自信
在他面前 不见了

心 一层层被削薄
原来 伤心即是如此

人与人
不是以测验来了解
请不要这样

为何不能以自我来认识
为何不能以本性来了解
为何每说句话就得猜测其中之意义
为何认识他 好难

自卑 盖满我心
跟不上他的步伐
跟不上他的话题
我可以学习吗
他会厌烦吗
是否在他面前
我本是小丑
也是个傻瓜

总觉得
我正被测验着

放个时间给自己
一步一步跟着走
其实
我真的该学会惜福
无言的疼惜
应该不是我天真的幻想

梦醒

我的心中没有爱

偶然一段路程

点燃一朵小火花

曾遗失了的爱

失去了信

是信任 也是信心

那朵小火花

是鲜艳红玫瑰

既亮丽又高贵

却是那么的微弱

我的心中已没爱人

曾以为等待可以永远

负担了疲惫的心

累得可怜

原来放下很容易

将永远闷在心里

其实也不过是认为而已

面对对的人与事

最终还是事实的告白

那道缤纷虹彩

曾在时光里歇息许久

忘了今天明天

纵然发现

自由早已居住我心

美丽的永远

已长埋在心的最深处

偶然一个昨天

轻松填满我心田

呼着自由气息

仰望新一道虹彩

思念已不再痛

红玫瑰也开花了