他给我唱首歌

噢！
好浪漫！
好感动！
好幸福！

这一通电话，忽然让我笑了起来！

我要永远记得，通过电话听这首歌；
我要牢牢记住，这是份很惊讶的感动！

谢谢你噢~

曾聽說過　尋覓愛情就像天與地別離和重聚過程
而我跟你　平靜旅程並沒有驚心也沒動魄的情境

只需要　當天邊海角競賽追逐時
可跟你　安躺於家裡便覺最寫意
只需要　最迴腸盪氣之時可用你的名字　
和我姓氏成就這故事

從此以後　無憂無求故事平淡但當中有你已經足夠

如果要說　何謂愛情便是跟你動盪時閒話著細情
和你走過　無盡旅程就是到天昏髮白亦愛得年青

不相信　當天荒不再地老不合時
竟跟你　多相擁一次便愛多一次
怎相信　最迴腸盪氣之時可用你的名字　
和我姓氏成就這故事

從此以後　無憂無求故事平淡但當中有你已經足夠
從此以後　無憂無求故事平淡但當中有你已經足夠

快樂童話像你我一對已經足夠

The Waiting

The waiting, isn’t easy at all.

I thought, I would be tough enough in handling these. I thought, I would be able to go through this one week without much worries and tense; yet the waiting, seriously is killing.

Knowing that dad is worry about his health, knowing that mom is worry about dad’s health, knowing dad is worry about brother and my darlings (my nephews).. and I can’t do anything but to wait patiently of the medical report.

Just needed to burst out. Everything seems messed up ever since dad fall sick. The statement from the doctor, has been affecting everyone’s emotions. Is everyone trying to be tough in front of everyone else? Is dad pretending as if he is alright and don’t bother at all? Is brother acting as if there isn’t any prove yet? I know I am. I can’t help myself the other day when mom called. Tears in my eyes, I was stunned. How if it’s true? I’ve been telling myself,”hey, don’t judge anything before any written prove,” But, ain’t I need to be psychologically ready for the worst to occur? I can’t just pretend the doctor never mentioned anything. Maybe I should think of some other way.. I could ask dad to check with another doctor whether the comment from this doctor is correct.

Family comes first. I am so lost at times, no idea whereabouts to start anything. Yeah, I don’t deny, I am weak in handling the stress. Dad means too much to me. My mind has been thinking of all the consequences I may need to face within this family if anything were to go wrong. I am thinking too much again…

I just couldn’t concentrate in anything.. I can’t perform well at work; I fell down in gym during work out; injured myself in gym; can’t sleep during the nights;

Another four days to go.. the waiting.. is hell tough. You know, your mind ought to think of something, and yet at the same your mind is telling you, "stay focus, don’t make assumptions,” .. that’s how I am now.

Voices Out!

Too much to say, too much to note down;
How long have I not written anything here? Or should I say, how long have I not blog? LOL

It has been a tough year for me - family, career, love.
Family - Dad's health level has decreased badly; Mom's health too has ring the alarm; Brother's eldest son keeps on having fever, younger son, whom is only 2 months old, is also sick; Second brother, far away. He is the one I always thought of if I were in any kind of emotional attack; but... this time, things aren't like how it was. Communication failure occurs.

Yeah, once again, I'm cracking my head, figuring how to handle these. Uncle from HK came since last week. Once we met, he asked,"Are you okay?" I answered,"Yeah! I am Good!", with a smile. Then he said,"Sometimes, we just can't help them up. Communication failure between the other 2 parties, if they can't settle it after all these years, what else can we do? Do you think we are able to settle it, when they can't even settle it among themselves?" I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered,"There is always a way to handle something," Then he asked again,"Are you tough enough?" I nodded again, with a thumbs up sign and a smile on my face. Uncle then said,"Don't feel sad," I guess, he saw my tears in my eyes while I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered again,"Gosh.. I am so in need of a shoulder right now! It's tough, but I must, for this family, for the love within, I have to get the key to everyone's heart!"

Career - I was struggling and argued with dad over the past career. Struggling to leave hometown or to stay; struggling to prioritize family or career...
Anyway, the one i am working on, well, not bad I would say. At least, I get to play around with the psychology, I meant applying the psychology. One important thing is, I am not allowed to discuss my job with anyone. SO, I ain't gonna write anything about it here.

Love - hm. What a topic.. When there was love, there wasn't appreciation. Noticed I use the word "was"? Sigh. I do believe in true love. True love doesn't mean forever? How do you define "true love"? I think, true love means you truly love someone, and that's it. Does that mean, a person might have more than one true love in his life? I guess so, but I do not agree. Gosh, I think I am talking craps. Anyway, about my love topic, it isn't that I want to think or talk about it. I attended friend's and cousin's wedding, I was being thrown questions, most of it sounds like this,"Hey, when's your turn?"
The song,"From This Moment", so touching, so lovely, yet it was sorrow that filled my heart, the night on my cousin's wedding. I can feel my tears within my heart. Could it because of I felt a friend's sorrow? Or could it be, "that wouldn't be my song, any day in this life,".. Would anyone teach me, how do I love a hurt soul? How do I heal a hurt soul? How do I help myself to love and beloved by as if it is the first love, in both hurt souls?

Family, a place I belong. A bond I wish to strengthen; yet variety of perspectives, variety of ego, variety of opinions, among the members within, the effort to create the closeness, is rather tough and bitter. I don't deny, I feel hurt and I do cry easily; needing space and smart tactics to handle the family; needing time and hard work to secure my career; and so in need of love to nurture my soul whenever I am hurt or lost or confused; That is why, I never dare to get myself hurt again in love. Knowing that the person I love, wouldn't have care much about showing his affection towards me, and knowing that all I get might be only empathy, I found out I've lost my passion in love. I noticed, one new quote in my life, "I dare not get any steps near to love". Another thing, when hurt souls said they are in love again, are they? Or they are only looking for someone whom they can lean on? I remembered, when I was younger, during secondary school, schoolmates always like to ask,"If you have to choose, who would you choose? A person whom loves you or a person whom you love?" And I will always answered,"Neither. I will only want a person whom I love and loves me back, that is happiness," People these days, extinct? Nah, maybe it's rare, maybe there is a lot; most important is, you appreciate it when it's near you, open your heart, open your eyes.. as for myself, when I found a person I've clicked with, before we get to start anything, I give up. Too scare to get involve, which also means, I am too afraid to get hurt. Man, it's seriously killing within when it's hurt!

Anyway, back to family. Dad finally decided to go to the doctor. Lucky thing dad went for the check up. Doc said if dad were to come later, there is no turning back. If only you people know what I went through to make my dad to see the doc.. sigh. Well, at least dad is looking better now if were to compare to the past 2 weeks. We are still waiting for the results from KL, maybe will do some other test again; the outcome, either will be better, or will have to take medication whole life, not to cure but only to suppress.

So much to say about dad, about mom, about bro, about myself.. no idea whereabouts to start and make an good ending for this blog..
Never miss a chance to say I love you.
I love you, dad.
I love you, mom.
I love you, both my brothers and sis in law.
I love you, my ultraman.
I love you, my baobei.
I love you, new born baby.
I miss you, my love.
Love, so subjective, yet so touching everyone's heart aye?

Baby, I love you

Poetry,
was once the rhythm of my heart beats.
For so long,
I almost forgot,
that I used to write.

The day I met you,
I thought I heard the rhythm once more.
The blossom of the beauty in it,
I barely resist.

Look into my eyes,
listen carefully.
Believe that it is true,
you are the rhythm of my heart beats.

I Love You.

A day in PPT

working
thinking
chatting
brain washing
culture in the organization?
finger pointing
self centered
want improvement but unwilling to change

myself?
thinking
wondering
am not talking
doing my work
blogging
gaining weight
stress level gone up

crap..

Do not Question My way of LoVe

Can't think straight now. I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. I have friends, but I'm lonely. It seems like I always appear as a friend in a wrong timing, wrong place, to the wrong person. When I love, no one bothers; When I dis love, they say I was just fooling around; When I'm hurt, they say I'm dumb, worst when they said I'm wrong. Why only when I'm hurt, then only someone realized my love? Why when I love, they say I'm confused? Isn't it best if when I love someone, I remain silence, knowing it only to myself? He said he was sorry, both us said can't let go, both us said we have to go on, and today I got a scrap box message, written "Never give up on someone you can't go on a day without thinking about"
Guess what I learnt today? I'm still plain me.
There will be a day, I believe, the day when finally someone finally brave enough to admit, to appreciate, to share, and to grow old together with my love.

I just don't understand, what is wrong about being honest of my feelings? What is wrong with being passionate? What is wrong saying I love you to the person I really care about? Why doubt it when I'm passionate? Don't try to question it after you doubt it, hurt me and I left.

A fact = I've been there; but I can never be there again, for you or maybe myself, have push me away.
"Just say it", that is what people always choose to believe to, only directly from the person's mouth, we are willing to give up.

"just say it, tell me you don't love me anymore, and tell me you want me out of your life, then I shall be gone,vanished forever in your life," Is that what you want me to say? Or is that what I want to hear?

Or maybe, I'm waiting for God to tell me,"you don't even know what love is! you don't deserve anyone!"

Anyway, what the heck, he has his love, he sees his love in that, and I bet he hopes in what he is going through right now, what more can I say? I'm no different at all. We both are trying to do something, to love someone.. what more can I say? For you, I will live well, without needing you to worry. If only I can say it once more.. I can't even write it out, for it hurts so much within.. if only I could do it.

To whom I shall rely on?
To whom I shall cry to?
No one else, but myself.
Not dad, not mom;
not my brothers, not my sisters;
Only myself,
the inner self,
whispering"it's him, it's him,"
conflicting with,"let him go, let him go,"

To whom I shall rely on?
To whom I shall cry to?
No one else, but myself.
To love you,
I will always be good.
I will be good.

1st and 2nd May 2008

A great day it was!
All I needed was someone whom I miss to be there, and maybe to listen to my worries, to give some opinions, when things didn't turn out right for me.

I thought it would be a great week like it was being planned. I will go for the fear factor event; come back in the afternoon and spend time with Catch; if possible, join my brother and family in the family picnic, without needing to take mc. Well, my job required me to come out a decision; Catch's flight was canceled at the very last minute; event crews managed to get a replacement when I said I couldn't join them; brother changed the picnic date when I told him I will spend my day with Catch. So, 1st May 2008, I was home. No fear factor, no family picnic, no Catch. 2nd May 2008, went to the doctor, did my check up, which I'm glad I did take the mc; back home be prepared for the family picnic as my brother had planned.

The picnic was fun, had some precious moments with my darling KX, fooling around, enjoyed the sun bathing, enjoyed the wave and built some "precious holes" at the beach.. haha. It was a waste that I couldn't get any picture of the day, it seems like my brother's camera faced some technical problems. lol.

Well, whole day it was about eating and fooling around. However, did had a small talk with my brother about my job. Still decision wasn't come out yet. Maybe I do know what is my decision, it was just I didn't feel happy of that decision. As if I was forced to make that decision, not on my willingness.

Anyway, I started this blog last week but I couldn't finished it earlier because I was so emotional disturbed the past few days... I have gave my decision, that is to stay and remain in the current company as well as department. Clearly, I was not happy at all with that decision, I cried three times on Monday. 2 times were during work, after I was being asked by concerned people about the reason I have such idea to leave, and about what's my decision; another time was a silence cry within myself while I was on my way heading to Penang.

Maybe you might think, I'm just being a kid here, so little thing but I cried?? Sometimes, there are things that we are unable to put in words for others to understand. It's just plain me, with all the sense of responsibility and logicalness, or what's is right to be done etc.

Wish I could write and share more of my thoughts, but I'm worry whatever I write, might scare some people away. You see, I have a lot of friends kept telling me, I'm being too serious about life. I think too much they say. I would like to ask,"Why is it only the bad consequences that you see? Why never have a deep thought about what are the good behind my seriousness?" For me, it is the maturity of thinking that matters, regardless of your age. Sigh. nah, maybe I should change.. else I'll be forever standing alone, like a coconut tree, bending down as time passes by.

Formula

~Do the right things; Do things right.~

If
Love = You make someone a priority even if you're only an option to them;
Stupid/Dumb = You still care even though you know you'll never get their heart

So,
does Love = Stupid/Dumb?

Why Love is great; and Being Dumb is stupid? Which situation we should apply the word Love, and which situation we should apply the word Dumb?

Is doing something without asking for return = Love or Dumb?

Do the right things; Do things right. That's Effective and Efficient.
Smile, let it be, see how it goes, and never think or don't want to think about it, isn't that Delaying or Avoiding? Worst if it is Denying. By not thinking about it, the matter or the unclear or uncertain still remain there, unsolved.

Understand the facts, accept the facts, eventually you will live with the facts, without suffering your emotions and mental.

Here I Am

I'm hurt.

There is only one thing I need - tell me if you ever going off.

There is only one thing I'm doing - I'm always here for you.

My Love Horoscope for 26th April 2008

"Make plans with your sweetie, avoiding too many restrictions. The future holds infinite possibilities. Decide which route you'd like to take and give it a reasonable timeline."

hmmm... i like the word infinite possibilities..
also, i like the word avoiding too many restrictions..
and, i like the last sentence..

Basically, i like it all.. for i think, isn't words that is written here, supposed to be what i should be doing?

Affirmation?

Give Up

I'm alone.
All the while, it was all the while me..

Yesterday, i was singing whole day, from home to work, and from work to home. A day earlier, i was talking through phone. The truth hurts, yes, but I was glad for the frankness. I'm outside the border, standing there looking, alone. It seems so near, but in reality, it's far. Of sudden, I felt so lonely. One sided as mentioned in earlier blogs.

I remembered I told a friend before, when you are having disagreement with someone else, stay cool, and listen; if the other person is yelling, you should not. There, you can get the facts and truth which that person was trying to hide before; for when someone is in anger, and unable to control his / her emotions, they can't really think logically, especially when they're trying to cover lies with another lie. There, is where you can pick up the facts and truth about things if all you do is LISTEN. That is why I always say, "You will never know what a word meant to someone; it may heal, it may kill," In this case, it may kill the person who said it, if he / she was actually trying to cover lies.

Today,
"one is confused, having problem with the husband; one is getting married; one is single; Of course single lar"
"she speaks better english too,"
"she's a graduate,"

I know, that was only conversation. Yeh, I may be being too sensitive, but what can I do? During meet up, I sense nothing else but maintaining a certain distance from me. Certainly I will be sensitive.

How should I learn, how to love properly, in these situations?
This is how I love...
If you're not pushing me away, but together we go through these, I am always here, whenever wherever. Against whoever or whatsoever, I will stand for that person who is willing to walk the path together with me.
But,
If you're trying to distance away, I will double the distance, and never look back. I guess I'm holding to the statement,"Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option,"

It's either Yes or No for me. Is that wrong? Do I really give up too easy?
Silence, that's me awaiting by holding to the love; Duration, that's a decision by my heart.
It won't be long, if I found out I'm only fighting alone. It will be long, if I know I'm right to hold on.
I promise myself, I will not mention another word of I miss you nor I love you, until you are certain of accepting me into your life. How long will I wait? That's an answer only from my heart. Heart is supported by? My feeling. My feeling is supported by? Your confidence in us.

What is that...

Something is changing, I'm not sure what is that, but I think I wouldn't like it.. for I'm feeling pain within.. it's making me feel even lonely in this.. what must I do to prevent... what am I preventing now? Hold on... hold on... it's an ability... hold on, girl..

The Weekend I Spent

"Please don't worry about me, I know what am I doing,"
That was the message I sent to my dad. Do I really know what am I doing?

Last night, I was in the room, noted down my thoughts and whatever happened for the past weekend. Never bring along the note, now I'm re-writing it, with a better mood, I hope.

Catch came by for the weekend, I've been looking forward for the weekend to arrive. I was even imagining how I shall welcome him. Well, it was supposed to be parked the car, waited him outside the arrival exit, grabbed a big bear hug from him, and that, was all the while my mood since the day he confirmed that he will be arriving by the weekend.

I had training in the office last Saturday. It was supposed to end by 5pm, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I arrived home pretty late. I didn't even have enough time to take a good bath nor pack my bag. Everything was rushing, and I was even late to the airport to pick up Catch. So, I didn't get to hug him then. There, I guess, accumulation of my moody mood started. haha. I'm so full of crap, aye? A hug, cures everything. Hold tight, gently.

So coincidently Catch met his instructor at the same hotel he was staying. I got to know him as well, a nice and funny guy he is. Steve, that's the name. That night, we hang out for late dinner, and for partying in one of the pub in town. So lucky we were, there was a huge police operation in town and we got caught in between. Sigh, they both spent the night waiting for me outside the pub, and I at the same time, standing, sitting, waiting, observing in the pub, while the police got themselves busy by randomly called out some people for urine test. Man, it was my first time caught in this situation. Reminds me of the reasons why I didn't want to get myself involve in partying like this when I was younger.

This weekend, I learnt, whatever you planned, not necessary it will turn out as you planned. Yes, I do aware of this all this while, but I had always try to make my plans run as how I planned. It's kind of difficult to accept and learn this fact, I guess, that's partly why I was moody the past weekend. I tried to question, why it didn't turn out as it was planned? Well, sometimes, unexpected, right? Still, I continue asking, actually the plans can go on as planned, I could have just adjust the timing, no? Yeh.. everything wasn't as planned.

Sunday, I woke up 845am, got hungry, had the Sneakers Catch gave me. Waited till it was almost 1245pm, Catch was awake then. Yeh, that was the plan, late lunch. I didn't want to wake him up, it's more like a holiday weekend here. So, relax as he can, or must. We had a good lunch in Dragon-I, together with Steve too. Then they started to talk about Steve's girlfriend, what's wrong with me? It was like a "click" again to me, am I the same like those girls? And this, also partly why I was moody.

After the lunch, bikini shop. Nah, it didn't look that pretty for me. I didn't like those designs; or maybe they were pretty, but to have it on my body.. hhmm... ugly. haha. Anyway, Steve bought a set for his girlfriend. Remember that day BN told me that HuiLing wore bikini to swim with her and Winnie. Well, I don't even dare to imagine how she looked like in the swim wear. BN said i should get myself one, yeh, I do want, but no, I am not qualified enough. haha. Too shy? Nah, I am not, just don't want anyone to comment negatively about me. hehe.

Anyway, such a sweetheart he is. I know he meant good. Catch asked me to do some shopping, but how would I? I don't even know where I stand yet. Too soon to tell anything. I don't like to spend like how some girls used to tell me,"go ahead, spend it, he is willing to, who cares anyway?" Yeh, some even said,"I got to know this guy, he brought me shopping, so I went in and buy the lingeries, not only 1 set, you know?" How would some girls behave like that? Don't they feel weird and uncomfortable when somebody who is just a friend, or maybe more like a stranger, bought them a lot of stuffs, and spent hundreds or even thousands on them? Most of all, where is the morality?

Too soon to tell anything, because i felt, I'm all this while with my own assumptions and conclusion, me and Catch, we didn't really talk about us. Mom asked me again this morning, still I was blank. I couldn't give an answer, for I myself don't have the answer either. I wanted to ask and talk about so much of things, but then I realized, what was the priority of the weekend. It was supposed to be some kind of holiday for him (and also me lar..lol), so why would I want to ruin the weekend then. However, I am so sorry for I was being so moody the weekend. Catch said," I still prefer the YOU when the first time i met you, the always smiling face," and that's my another "click". Sigh, why the heck I was so self-centered? I knew the priority but I didn't act as it.

That Sunday, in the bathroom, letting the shower filled up the bath tab, flowing through my body, and I was sitting in there, trying to look for the answer,"Do I really know what am i doing?" No answer at all. I was so blank. Very.

Why worry the Later when you can't even handle the Now? Is it because I can't handle the Now, that's why I am worry of the Later? If I am trying to handle the Now, I need to find a solution, but it seems that I am lost in current situation.

Brother knew I am in some kind of emotion disturbed again, that was why when I gave him a call yesterday, he asked where am I and what am I doing. I don't get much support of what I am doing now, will I get his support? I am worry of this too, for current situation, it still seems uncertain to me. What do I have to tell and convince my brother? None. Only my feelings, but that is not enough.

Man, now that I'm writing everything, only I realized that there was so much thing making me moody. Catch told me to share with him and talk to him if I ever ready to do so, but I couldn't. Really. I bet he himself too is very troubled. So, priority. Yeh, it was a holiday trip. Maybe, that was why I was so blank. Didn't want to talk about it but still worried about it. haha. Complicated? Nah, it's just simple. It's just between Do the Right Things & Do Things Right.

I'm feeling better I think. Yeh, as long as i know what is important at the Current, and act as it is, i should be alright. Why would I worry more? Let's see how things go. I'm glad, I met Catch, and that is the most important at all. I'm glad, he is willing to come by, shouldn't I appreciated that? Well, I'm consider lucky too, am I not? Why? He does appreciate me as well, no? Are you thinking that I'm trying to console myself? Maybe you are right, but all I'm doing is, trying not to blind myself with negative thoughts and assumptions. I'm learning to look at the bright side of the situation. Anything that happened, there are a lot of possibilities and outcomes, and reasons too. Take it easy. Think of only things that is within your control. When it involves another party, look for the suitable timing for both parties before trying to confront anything, of course it doesn't mean denying or delaying. hmm.. I remembered i wrote something on that topic last night. I shall write again in a new blog about it.

Today at work, got an email from the Admin Operation Manager, telling me that the company do not practice half day leave, however am given two hours to settle personal things in the morning if necessary, and need to report back to work by 11am.. sigh, my working hour start at 10am alright. And it was written that if I report in later than that, I should apply one day leave. What the heck? Doesn't a company want their staffs to be at work?

Oh, I just finished typing my resignation letter. Keeping it for now. hmm..

Human, funny aye?

Worries within

No idea what's running in my head.
I've been so lost and confused ever since the last blog I wrote. There were times I wanted to write something but I just couldn't come out anything.

What was I thinking? What am I thinking? Am I only worry,"Am I just an option?"
What makes me so lost?
That day, "I'll see how long you'll be like this," he said. Also,"Why you so serious?" he asked.
I couldn't help it, I've always meant what I said and said what I meant. I just don't simply joke about anything.
With the "I'll see how long you'll be like this," does that indirectly confirmed myself that, I'm still all by myself? Yeah... only one sided... dumb me...
I told him,"Learn to look at the bright side of the present," but I myself can't do it in this matter.. what the heck.

I've been looking forward to meet up again, but why at the same time I'm feeling worry, anxious, or scare? Scare of knowing the fact that his heart ain't with me? I can't blame him for that, right? Who am I anyway? Even 10 fingers can count how many time have I met him.
Scare of knowing the fact that I am only an option? Scare of finally awake that I was the one whom always encouraging him and trying to make him like me, instead of the liking feelings developed itself within him?
Scare of knowing the fact that I'm only being accepted because I was encouraging him?

Were those my worries? Were those reasons why I was so lost? Are those... only one reason - I'm afraid of losing him? ... but... why?

My Apology to Janice and Alvin

Towards Janice, a lovely girl whom loves Alvin dearly, I'm sorry if I ever create the arguments between you and your sweetheart. Believe me, he and I, we are always a good friend, for we understand each other well, during some path of our life. It was one yesterday, we were close to each other.

The message I sent, it meant nothing but only recalling back the old times. It's like elderly people talking about the young times, the memories stored. Looking back sometimes make us feel good, looking at how we behave, how we have come through all those days. In fact, it actually reflect us of what we did, and how we should learn from the experiences. I'm not regretting of what happened. My current situation and Alvin's are the same, we both had given our heart to each other, but things didn't turn out right for us; today, both us too has given our heart to someone else, and trust me, both us holds the sincerity within it. His is towards a girl named Janice; whereas mine is towards a guy I refer him as Catch.

Please do not misunderstand him, trust him if you can't trust my words. Use your heart and you will see, Alvin is always about giving his heart truly. From the day he told me about you, I know how he feels for you, and yes, I sincerely wish the best for both of you, it has always by the reason that he is a good friend, nothing more.

Love can be magic. The love i have towards Alvin, it is only a good friend caring for a good friend, or it could be more like an old friend, it doesn't involve developing any intimate feelings. I'm only appreciating a friendship. My miracle, I hope, that will be my Catch. Janice, I wish you and Alvin happy together and all the best will always be with you.

One Sunday

13th April 2008
BN was pretty stressed last night. I was with her till it was almost 4am. We talked and she cried. We had a burger after that too. Gone our diet plan. sigh.

So, Sunday. I asked her to hang out with me. First, went to the salon I went for my hairdo, bought a very expansive shampoo, wanting to buy the conditoner as well, which smell so nice!! But, I bought only the shampoo. Then we went to Perangin Mall.

I wanted to buy a nice hair clip, so that I could kinda fix an opening for my hair (erm.. get what I'm trying to say?) How can a hair clip cost RM20?! sigh. Didn't buy it. Then thought of wax might do the trick, so, we went to Guardian and Watson to have a look. Sigh, it cost almost RM20 or more! Damn it! I didn't buy it either. Guess what I bought? A conditioner. RM14.88.

Then we were just simply window shopping. This coming Saturday is BN's birthday. It was my plan to give her a surprise by visit her at her home with a birthday cake. Then I thought, I've not been giving her present for years now, so, I shopped for a present, didn't tell her that it was meant for her. I love how the present turn out to be. I love the wrapping, I love the photo frame. All are handmade, unique and as special as it looks like. I really hope she will love it. I kinda decorate the wrapping though. haha.

And I found myself another musical item.. well, it wasn't a box, so I can't say music box. Nice, you know? With modern song instead of the typical music box music, which if you were to buy 10 different designs of music box, but playing the same music.. you get what i mean? I found one last year, which I wished it would be my year 2007 birthday present, but no one seems to have the interest to get it for me. haha. The design? It's a hanging down, with 6 or 7 cute small colourful aeroplanes, spinning in a circle, and with not the typical music musical item. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. They have 2 versions actually, one with the colourful aeroplanes, another only with the silver colour aeroplanes. The cost? Freaking expansive.. RM90, made in China. Anyway, back to the one I found during my outing with BN. It's something like Mary Go Round, and with the not typical music la. RM80. Nice crafting though. Still I think I love the planes one. I took the picture of it and it's my handphone wallpaper. haha.

So, done shopping, I spent everything on BN. Just trying to make her feel better. I don't even dare to count how much have I spent. Looked at my wallet when we were ready to leave, sigh.. this month, I'm dry. I gonna top up my Touch 'n Go card in a day or two. I have to drive to work for the next at least 2-3weeks... I still owe AL money this month. I haven't start paying CH. I haven't start paying PTPTN this year. AAAAAAaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!! .... ssshhhh... cool..

Well, the day went off well. I had my dinner with BN. Then we headed home.
I should be sleeping.. but I'm blogging. Listening to songs..
Okie.. good night now.

All by Myself

Over the line, "Can you hold on with me?" he said.

That morning, he was so emotional, he was so hurt, of what is going on, of what went wrong, also questioned his ability in protecting his own family. Without further discussion and talking, he went off for prayers and resting.

That evening, he spent on shopping.
That late night, we talked.
"Can you hold on with me?"
"I don't want to lose you,"
"I'm getting there,"
"Everything comes easy, lose easy,"

Yesterday, "Don't ever get involve with a pilot," he said.
For the first time ever, I almost lost my temper in front of him. It felt as if there was tears in my eyes. I guess, my mood was a little influenced by my buddy's (BN) mood, who seek for my companion and dropped tears for the first time, in front of me. Maybe that was why I almost lost my temper? BN was telling me, she's so lost, felt as if whatever actions and decisions she had taken before were all mistakes. I didn't find it a surprise of what she told me, I have been through what she is going through right now, in fact, I think I'm still in the situation. I told BN, that she has make an improvement today, for realizing the fact that sometimes she doesn't need to win in every arguments; for realizing that she has been repeating her mistakes, and for knowning the reasons why she has been behaving so. The most important is, she has made the first move by sharing her problems and doubts with a friend, instead of keeping all to herself. I told her, that was the reason why she couldn't let go of her stress, that was the reason why at times she felt so lost.

While I was trying to make her feel better, I shared with her my own experiences. There, I too realized some things that I have never look into before. As the result, I was kind of emotion affected as well, but still I kept cool, for the priority was to be my buddy's companion. Till I got a call and heard of the statement, I guess, I started to question myself, does it worth it? One side clapping, it doesn't work. Am I in an one sided situation here?

In the day, I called G, she's my best mate. That call was meant to ask about hair salon. It ended with my story with my Catch. Some little things I heard from her and about the other friends within the group. Some advices and opinions from her. The only one that caught my attention was,"Could it because of the kids, that's why he wants you?" Could it be? Possible. She asked,"There must be something he did, that's why she could do something as such. A wife will always give chances to a husband,". I defended him in this, but it does make sense, isn't it? When something went wrong, it always involved at least two parties. It is because there was disagreements between both parties, that was why things went wrong. Still, sometimes, it just couldn't be explained, people just changed; situation changed; feelings changed; environment changed... What am I thinking now? I fought for it, fighting myself, believing in love does exist, be strong and be there, yet questions and statements kept on making me feel weak.. why? I do scare, I do worry; all I'm asking for is supports to be strong, confidence to stay on. If there is no confidence, should I hold on still?

I felt the desire of having a fairy tale in him at times, but was that what I felt, or was that only my assumptions of what he wants? He ain't confident in these, I ain't either. I try to stand strong and firm, I ain't facing any other problems other than MONEY NOT ENOUGH (haha), ain't I supposed to be stronger than he is? Yes, I'm starting to feel lost. I know this path is tough, but I seriously do not know, how am I supposed to make myself prepared for the situations I may face. How tough it will become? I told BN that actually relationship is very simple, as long as you handle the communication well, as long as you handle well the human interations... but, am I able to do so? It still need both side. Does distance really affect much in the communication? For me, yes, it certainly does.

"I would rather work than stay home and see her,"
Denying is the word I have. Avoiding is another. Confront yourself, accept the fact, it may be hard, but in time, it does make your life easier. Why let someone else misbehaviour controls your emotions and actions? Worst when it makes you don't feel like going home.

Today, of a short conversation through phone, I noticed, she's tensed; she's shocked; he's frustuated; he's confused; what is she trying to do now? A conclusion came into my mind, "They're trying to pissed each other off, to make each other feel how it felt like when they were treated wrongly," Emotional actions? Let me tell you, she'll be back, on what reason, I do not know, there are some possibilities. I'm telling myself, "Let's see what happens in the next few days,"

"Do you know what you are getting yourself into or not,"
I do not know.

Below are my statements to BN when she says,"As a friend, just wouldn't want to see you fall and hurt, again and again,"
"Do my part well, for this is what I have feeling for,"

"I know I need to get myself psychologically prepared of the concequences, the possible reunion of his family, the happily ever after of theirs, the sorry and the awaken of his confused actions, as well as mine; but now, currently, I've been telling I will be there, and that's what I will do, I may be a little confused and maybe wanting to give up.. but I'll be there as long as I'm still having the courage to stand strong,"

"I'm able to let go if I want to, I may be sad for days, but I'll be alright pretty soon, it's just another type of feelings,"

"Family is my goal, to build a family, it isn't easy; It's just the same as you are trying to build your career. You need to do it step by step. Family isn't about liking someone, falling in love, sign the paper, and there you have the family. Family is something you have to carefully nurture, showering it, taking care of it, spending your time and effort, it is the same concept as you are trying to keep your career safe... that was why, I used to have this concept that I will want to be in relationship at least 7 or 8 years before marriage, just like my brothers,"

Questions to answer? Or answers to questions? :-
"Is he the one?" Is there answer to every questions?

"Why do you fall for me?" Must there a reason?

"Do I know what is love?" Does love has the same definition in everyone's understanding?

"Is it simply just a feeling?" How if it is? How if it is not? Feelings can be developed, it as well can be vanished in a second. When there is feelings, why want to questioned it so much? Because worry the feelings will be gone later? Why worry the Later when you can't even handle the Now? Is it because the Now has not been carefully handle, that's why the Later occur?

Appreciate the Now, that is what I am doing. Is it right? Or is it wrong? Frankly, I do not know. I walk my life letting my feelings leading me. Is that right, or is that wrong? Wrong you may say. My reason, if I'm happy of what I'm doing, I continue; if I'm unhappy, I try to confront it; if to no avail, leave it for awhile, then only decide what to do next.

Am I starting to be selfish already? Both my looking serious relationship in my life, holds the same heartfelt pain. Both what I did and what I'm doing, no one is supporting, am I doing the wrong again? Maybe I should confront myself and tell myself, "You just can't handle your relationship well,"
望着你突然一阵心痛，一次又一次让那感情放纵。
你的脆弱让我走不开，你的依赖所以我存在。
想着你还是想到心痛，期待我做的将来你都会懂。

My Love Astrology of The Day

The birds are singing, the bees are buzzing and you're in love. Definitely. Well, congratulations. Just in case you're not quite sure, somewhere in the back of your fragrant, pink, smoke-filled brain, however, arrange for a prenup. And don't let Elvis do the ceremony. He's dead, you know.

Learning

I should be working, but I'm blogging.

I'm bothered, because I've make love as my goal.

Relationship, it's just part of life.

If it makes you unhappy, leave it. If you're happy of what you're doing, live with it.

I read my blog, Towards the Ups and Downs just now. I feel better now. I should always remind myself of what i wrote in the blog, I think it was really well written. Please take a look.

Argh... life, a forever changing, a forever learning process.

Downtime

Being asked tons of questions, it felt as if I was being told,"Now I can make you fall in love so deeply, I can as well break your heart one day," ; also it felt as if I was being exposed to that person's wild desire,"I have the ability to make someone fall so deeply to me, why the heck you are going away from me?"

The situation now, it doesn't look as beautiful as it was in my imagination and desire. Or am I thinking too much? Sigh, I always with my thoughts and dreams. I always with my world.

I don't deny, that my mood is always being influenced by what is happening to my love life. Just recently, i actually make Love as my goal in life. Sigh. As naive and as stupid as i may be.

Those who read Catch makes My Day Everyday, please tell me, you're thinking I'm too naive...

argh... I have no idea what is in my mind now... I want to go out.. should I just go somewhere this weekend?
So sorry, wrote this kind of emotional and non informative type of blog. Bear with me please, this is how I express my sad moments.

Catch makes My Day Everyday

9th April 2008
Smile when you make a call, or answer a call; and it's true that the person who hears you, hears you smile too.

I got to know a friend, someone who is so full with life. I have never thought there is such a painful experience that is running on in his life now. Let's refer him as Catch.

The first day I know Catch, I remembered how I tried to distance myself, at the same time try not to be so obvious. Distanced away because i noticed there was some chemistry running within the group i joined that night. Tried not to be so obvious, because he is a new friend, didn't want him to feel offended. However, at the same time, I noticed, he is such a lively person, enjoys life, and appreciates friends. It was actually a short outing that night, I didn't really get much chance to talk much either. haha.. well, not forgotten, I was trying to distance away.

After half a month, I got an overseas call, which I thought was my prince charming calling, but surprisingly, it was Catch calling from Japan. We had a good chat and it ended with a date for me and him when he came back to Penang.

Never cross my mind that I would develop further in the friendship. WE talked about our past, our debts, it was all about joy and sad memories in our life that we shared with each other. Soon, we get along so well with each other and became close friends. Guess what? Now, almost everyday I'll get a wake up call, and that call actually make my day a better one. It's just a wake up call, a short chit chat, and filled with a lot of laugher, my days always start will a sweet smile on my face. And the main reason is, whenever i answer his call, I was always greet by a lively "hello", and straight away I felt that, smile is already there.

11th April 2008
Today, as usual, i got a morning call from Catch in Japan. Everything went well, i even got a second call from him. Yeah, I was really happy. Then he started to talk about his problems again, which always a hurtful things to him. And I will be the one trying to console and trying to make him see clearly of what is his main problem that leads him to how he is now. It's rather sad to do it through chit chatting in skype, you know?

I'm hurt hearing what he said, because that make me realized of the facts that I'm facing now. And the same time, I'm hurt I couldn't do much to help him now. However, realizing the facts that I'm facing now, I went out for a ride during lunch break. I asked myself, do I really know what love is? Or is it all this while, it's simply just a complicated feelings within myself? Does what he is doing now, that is love? If I love this guy, as I thought so, what must I do? Pull him out of his current situation? Or help him to save his current situation?

Once I loved a guy, that which I refer to as my eternal love in my other blog; I hurt him to love him, I hurt myself by hurting him, I hurt his feelings, broke our dreams, just because I want him to be strong, and yet at the same time, i knew, what I did was because of him, that is "I want him to stand up without emotional depends on me," Was that my love? Was that consider love? No regret to see he is happy now. At least i know, he is happy and lucky enough to find a girl whom appreciates he as he is; at least not like me, trying to form a new him by hurting him, instead of leading each other, holding hands. And I thought, that is my way of LOVE, sacrificed my desire just to bring him up.

And today, to be frank, this man I'm seeing, he is a married man who is currently having marital problem with his wife. This is even tougher than the path I was in with my eternal love, I guess. I was told, they have divorced, but they are still staying under one roof. However, each other will have their own life, no one would interfere each other's life. And they have 2 cute little kids.

I told myself, don't ever deny if I really care and if I really love a person. Let the person knows that I care and I love him / her. Yes, I do tell my friends whom I really appreciate that i love them, I do tell them I love you. I tell my parents, i tell my brothers too. That's me. No regrets if I'm dead tomorrow.

So, towards my eternal love, yes, I told him, I love him, I've always do. But I meant nothing to interfere his life now. Then, towards Catch, i did tell him too, yes, I'm loving him so much now. He kept asking me why am I falling for him? I think, Catch seems no confident of my love. Is it because I'm being too frank? Too straight forward? Too good to be true? I may be conservative on certain things, but when it comes to feelings like this, wouldn't it be better to be crystal clear? When things are crystal clear, there won't be complications, right?

Today, through the songs that meant so much for him, I understand now. I shouldn't listen to everything i was told. I could have seen more. Within the song, I felt his love towards his wife. His wife may have turn away now, but he is willing to hold on, and he is willing to accept her, anytime she is ready to come back. And yes, he is hoping and wishing she will be back, turning back, look at him once more.

I'm hurt, but as always, I offer love. But I'm glad, that I really see him as such a loving person, that's why he is so emotional unstable now. I have mentioned in previous blog, that I will never love the same way again. This time, I will not hurt him; I want to help him to win his marriage back. I will do my very best to stand by him, whenever he is in need of a loving heart to heal. Fairy tales can always happen in another way, isn't it? Cry only when I want to, but never in front of those that I love. Because if i do, that will hurt them and actually make their situation and burden worst. I shouldn't.

Ha.. maybe one day, someone would write a story of me "The Legend of A Lovely Love Lady". My, I'm in my dream again. Pardon me for that. Yeah, I look forward so much for love, end of the day, I'm the only one giving and giving, my happily ever after is to see those i love to live happily ever after with their love ones. Maybe you who read this might say I'm a freak, or I hold myself too high, well, what the heck.. love makes me alive, it makes me discourage as well.. maybe I'm just too hunger for a man to hold my hands and walk my life with me. Who knows?

In my previous blog, Love Reminder, I've mentioned that love is an ability, and there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone, not because that person has started hating us, but because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go. It's such a statement to study, you know?
My eternal love, if I ever keep bugging him, telling him I want him back, can you imagine what will happen?
My Catch, if I keep on bugging him, ask him to let her go, and come to me, can you imagine what will happen?
Well, of course those above are very simple questions to think about.. I've think so much of the statement. If only I could cry now, but I can't and I won't, I wish I won't cry. haha.

Nah, I'm just a close friend, and that I shall be. Pain, that is the difference of what it is, and what you want it to be. The luckiest person in this world, the person who is able to love and be loved. It's my wish that you who is reading this blog, that you will find your happily ever after. Let's make a fairy tales come true, it does happen, you know..

U2 Song Lyrics - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Bono says: "My father worked in the post office by day and sang opera by night. We lived on the north side of Dublin in a place called Cedarwood Road. He had a lot of attitude. He gave some to me - and a voice. I wish I'd known him better." (The Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own music video)

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough
You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I, that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need, I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I sing
You’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me
Well, hey now
Still got to let you know
A house doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
Best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

U2 Song Lyrics - I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
And my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Don't go away
I'll sing my love for you
Don't go away
Oh you know I love this place
Don't go away
I won't go without you baby
Don't go away
Don't go away

U2 Song Lyrics - Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

You don't know how you took it
You just know what you got
Oh Lordy you've been stealing
From the thieves and you got caught
In the headlights of a stretch car
You're a star

Dressing like your sister
Living like a tart
They don't know what you're doing
Babe, it must be art
You're a headache in a suitcase
You're a star

Oh no, don't be shy
You don't have to go blind
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

You don't know how you got here
You just know you want out
Believing in yourself
Almost as much as you doubt
You're a big smash
You wear it like a rash
Star

Oh no, don't be shy
It takes a crowd to cry
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

They want you to be Jesus
They'll go down on one knee
But they'll want their money back
If you're alive at thirty-three
And you're turning tricks
With your crucifix
You're a star
Oh child, of course you're not shy,
You don't have to deny love
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

U2 Song Lyrics - Staring At The Sun

Summer stretching on the grass
Summer dresses pass
In the shade of a willow tree
Creeps a crawling over me
Over me and over youS
tuck together with God's glue
It's gonna get stickier too
It's been a long, hot summer
Let's get under cover
Don't try too hard to think
Don't think at all

I'm not the only one starin' at the sun
Afraid of what you'd find
If you took a look inside
Not just deaf and dumb
I'm staring at the sun
Not the only one who's happy to go blind

There's an insect in your ear
If you scratch it won't disappear
It's gonna itch and burn and sting
You wanna see what the scratcing brings
Waves that leave me out of reach
Breaking on your back like a beach
Will we ever live in peace
'Cause those that can't do often have to
Those that can't do often have to preach

To the ones staring at the sun
Afraid of what you'll find
If you took a look inside
Not just deaf and dumb
Staring at the sun
I'm not the only one who'd rather go blind

Intransigence is all around
Military still in town
Armour plated suits and ties
Daddy just won't say goodbye
Referee won't blow the whistle
God is good but will he listen
I'm nearly great but there's something missing
I left it in the duty free
But you never really belonged to me

You're not the only one starin' at the sun
Afraid of what you'd find
If you stepped back inside
I'm not sucking on my thumb
I'm staring at the sun
Not the only one who's happy to go blind

U2 Song Lyrics - Elevation

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here
At the corner of your lips
As the orbit of your hips
Eclipse

You elevate my soul
I've lost all self-control
Been living like a mole
Now, going down, excavation
I and I into the sky
You make me feel like I can fly so high
Elevation

A star lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you can educate my mind
Explain all these controls
Can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
I and I into the sky
You make me feel like I can fly so high
Elevation

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

A mole living in a hole
Digging up my soul
Going down, excavation
I and I in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly so high
Elevation
Elevation
Elevation

U2 Song Lyrics - Discothèque

You can reach but you can't grab it
You can't hold it, control it, no,
You can't bag it
You can push but you can't direct it
Circulate, regulate, oh no,
You cannot connect it

You know you're chewing bubble gum
You know what it is but you still want some
You just can't get enough of that lovie dovie stuff

You get confused but you know it
Yeah, you hurt for it, work for it, love,
You don't always show it
Let go, let's go, let's go,
Discothèque
Let go, let go, go go,
Discothèque
Looking for the one
But you know you're somewhere else instead
You want to be the song
Be the song that you hear in your head
Love

It's not a trick 'cause you can't learn it
It's the way you don't pay that's okay
'Cause you can't earn it

You know you're chewing bubble gum
You know what it is but you still want some
You just can't get enough of that lovie dovie stuff
Let go, let's go,
Discothèque
Go go, go go
Discothèque
Love, love
Looking for the one
But you know you're somewhere else instead
I want to be the song
Be the song that you hear in your head

Love, love, love
You want heaven in your heart
Heaven in your heart
The sun, the moon and the stars
But you take what you can get
'Cause it's all that you can find
And you know there's something more
But tonight, tonight, tonight

Boom cha, boom cha
Discothèque
I can't get it, I can't, it's not enough
Boom cha, boom cha
Discothèque
I can't get it, I can't, it's not enough
Boom cha, boom cha
Discothèque
I can't get it, I can't, it's not enough
Boom cha, boom cha
Discothèque
Boom cha, boom cha
Discothèque

U2 Song Lyrics - Gloria

I try to sing this song loud

I try to stand up

But I can't find my feet

I try, I try to speak up

But only in you I'm complete

Gloria, in te domine

Gloria, exultate

Gloria, Gloria

Oh Lord, loosen my lips

I try to sing this song loud

I try to get in

But I can't find the door

The door is open

You're standing there

You let me in

Gloria, in te domine

Gloria, exultate

Oh Lord, if I had anything

Anything at all

I'd give it to you

I'd give it to you

Gloria

In te domine

Gloria

Gloria

Be Careful When Buying Baskin Robbins Ice Creams

Information i got from a friend's blog. Below is written by Wan Cheng Huat.

This matter that I am about the share here actually did cross my mind on the day that Janice bought Baskin Robbins Ice Cream on March 31, 2008. There were 3 small block of dry ice in the Baskin Robbins paper bag; it was to keep the ice cream cool. I realized that dry ice was made out of carbon dioxide (CO2) and the effects of inhaling too much CO2 could be detrimental. I did contemplate awhile on the matter but did not weight it to be as severe as I could had been; as the blocks were really small like a size of a 20 cent coin.

Exactly a week later, I received an email from my dad regarding the similar situation. This time it involved a larger amount of ice cream; which directly meant larger amount of dry ice to go with it. In a small enclosed area like in a car, CO2 cannot escape into the environment. Little did the driver know, he set up a potential silent killing box. He found himself short of breath and began to feel woozy. Fortunate for him, there was an ambulance beside him (I don't trust this part of the email, how coincidence). He immediately requested help.

Our blood has higher affinity towards CO2 than O2; which means that CO2 will bond better than O2 when it comes in contact with our blood. This means gradually our body receives lesser and lesser O2 and eventually will lost its functionality. This condition is called CO2 poisoning. In a perfect conditions, death is inevitable.

Not many of us are that fortunate to have an ambulance beside us. For me, I could do without the dry ice next time I ever buy myself a Baskin Robbins take away.

Love Reminder

Almost forgot to blog this, it has been written in my notebook for some time.

~Love is not simply a feeling, love is an ability~

There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone, not because that person has started hating us, but because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go.

Of What I've Been Searching For?

It bothered me so much before this, on how i should look good in front of whoever I'm going to meet in another few weeks time.

Today I asked myself, why the heck I ain't stopping myself from eating those junk food, those tasty food which I shouldn't be touching anymore during this period? I felt, I ain't being bothered of the outlook anymore. Why? Is it because I found what I needed the most? I do really hope so. Well, I do still wanna look good, but it isn't as tension as before now. It's more like looking healthy and fit now.

I guess... I am really loving what I have now. Though, it could be a very hard and difficult path or risk I'm gonna take, but.. I just couldn't stop myself from doing what I'm doing. Kept telling myself,"hey, you might get hurt, come'on, stay focus and clear up your mind," lol. Well, as stubborn I am.

They said,"Love as if you never got hurt before," I said," Everyone knows you'll never love the same way again," Is my eternal love still within me? Yeh, I guess so, (I'm such a loving person okay? lol) but I think I'll never love the same way again.

Recently, I read in a book, "It is important to experience painful situations and learn from them, rather than try to distract yourself with something else," You see, it was said in the book, that Pain is the difference between what is, and what you want it to be. It sounds so true and make sense, isn't it?

How I wish I could type the whole thing from the book into this blog and share it with everyone out here. After reading the book, you'll find that to be happy is so simple, it's just that we have forgotten about it. To be honest, I have not finish reading the book. So, today I gonna share some tips I learnt from this book. I hope it helps whenver wherever you needed one.

"When you are fully engaged in what you are doing your mind doesn't wander. You enjoy life. And you are happier and more effective. You are intent only on what is happening at that moment. And that focus and concentration leads to your success."

The above sentence means, to live at the present moment, the right now moment; it is not the past, nor the future. Try it, and you'll see. Well, of course there are some factors you will need to consider. Read below for the tips.

"Being in The Present means Focusing on What is Happenning Right Now! It means Appreciating The Gifts You Are Offered Each Day."

It's amazing how simple it is and how fast it works. I myself did always tell myself to live at the Now Moment, i have never thought I would read a book like such, which actually make me feel so good. By being aware of the importance of living at the Now moment, and now being exposed to this interesting book, I need to really help myself to be happier. I'm learning.

"Even in the most difficult situations, when you focus on what is Right in the Present Moment, it makes you happier, today. And it gives you the needed energy and confidence to deal with what is Wrong."

"Being in the Present means Tuning Out Distractions, and Paying Attention to What is Important, Now. You Create Your Own Present by What You Give Your Attention to Today."

"It is Hard to Let Go of The Past if You Have Not Learned from The Past. As Soon as You Learn and Let Go, You Improve The Present Today."

People always say,"my past experiences make me who i am today,". I don't deny that I did say that as well. And if i keep on saying this, does that mean I ain't learn anything from my past experiences? I guess so. Because if I did, I wouldn't have said "my past experiences brought me who I am today," because that sound like I'm regretting of what or who I am today, isn't it? I may learnt a little or nothing from the past. And I may have done or doing the same mistakes again; isn't my present would be the same as my past then?

"When you do not use your feelings about The Past to learn from your experiences, you lose the joy of The Present. Once you have truly learned from The Past, it is easier to enjoy The Present. While it is true that one must not live in The Past - for then you are not living in The Present - it is important to use The Past to learn from your mistakes. Or if you've done well in The Past, look at why and build on your successes."

"Anytime You Are Unhappy In The Present And Want To Enjoy The Present More, It Is Time For You To Learn From The Past Or To Help Create The Future."

Hmm.. I guess that's how much I have read so far. If it caught your eyes and interest of what I wrote in this blog, and you are wondering what book is this, leave me a message and I shall let you know. I hope, somehow, it helped a little.

I'm using the knowledge of the book, helping myself, also helping someone who is such a loving person as well. Man... I started to feel like I'm a forever loving person, or I have so much of love to give away. When will I start to love myself, hmm? lol. I love it when I care for someone. Plain me. =D Love Freak?? gosh!

The Secret to Being Naturally Thin

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to just naturally stay slim while others gain weight just looking at food? A new study may shed some light on why: It all boils down to brain chemistry.
Researchers studied the differences in MRI responses in people who were "naturally" thin and those who struggled with their weight with some interesting results. They found it took longer for the area of the brain called the left amygdala to register "fullness" in overweight people than thinner ones. Or in other words, heavier people had to eat more food and more calories to get the same signal that said "stop." Researchers said the discovery may someday lead to a treatment for overeating.
If you tend to overeat, you can put this news to work in your favor right now by starting your meals with a low-calorie soup or a salad with low-calorie dressing first to help encourage a feeling of fullness without a lot of calories, and then by taking your time when you eat, which will give your brain more time to register satisfaction. Soon others will be wondering how you stay so "naturally" thin, too!

The Truth About Chocolate

The Truth About Chocolate

If you’re confused when it comes to chocolate, you’re not alone. A health food? A tasty indulgence? Maybe a little of both? I hope you’ll find the answers to your questions, and also post a note with your own thoughts!

Some basic chocolate “truths”:

1. Chocolate comes from a plant – it’s the seeds (within the pods) of the cacao tree. It’s naturally very bitter; if you munched on a cacao bean, you would find a very harsh and bitter taste, nothing like chocolate as we know it.
2. Chocolate varies in its preparation. There are government regulations of what can be called “chocolate”, depending on its ratio of: cocoa solids, cocoa butter, sugar, and milk. Ranging from baking chocolate (almost no added sugars), to dark chocolate (limited sugar and abundant cocoa solids), to milk chocolate (lots of sugar, added milk, and less cocoa solids), to “white” chocolate (NOT classified as chocolate at all, because it has no cocoa solids!)
3. A special type of antioxidant is found in cocoa solids, called “flavanols”, which are where the health-promoting heart healthy claims of chocolate come from. This is dose related, meaning the more you eat, the more flavanols you consume. As a comparison, it takes nearly four ounces (that’s 3-4 regular size dark chocolate bars), consumed every day to promote a reduction in blood pressure! That’s 500 calories and 42 grams of fat!
4. The new “super cocoas” are the wave of the future to harness the health benefits associated with the flavanols. The first of these is a Flavanol Rich Chocolate (containing 200 mg per serving – that’s a lot!), produced by the company, Cocoa Via. It’s the active ingredient, without the sugar and fat of a regular chocolate bar.
5. Chocolate is also a “carrier” for other nutrients, which are unrelated to the activity of the flavanols. Calcium fortified chocolates (in milk and dark varieties) provide ½ the daily calcium requirement in one disk (at 30 calories), plus vitamin D. Plus, phytosterols (plant chemicals) are added to some chocolates to boost the cholesterol lowering ability of the product (Cocoa Via bars with 80-100 calories each). Again, any potential health benefits come from regular – daily – consumption.

Bottom line? Enjoy a modest serving of chocolate IF you enjoy it. Don’t start consuming chocolate as an addition to a “healthy diet”. Calories count, so monitor your portions, and allow a small indulgence. You don’t need to justify a chocolate treat for the health benefits of chocolate. While there are some health benefits to flavanols, they’re also present in a variety of other foods, including apples, grapes, wine (fermented grapes!), and tea.

As with all things eaten, moderation is key! What are your thoughts?

Mood less = lost?

31st March 2008
Flew from SG, meet up for Japanese Dinner at EQ.
1030pm, got a call.
1039pm, cried.
4am, home. Cried.

1st April 2008
Took an unpaid leave.
Look and drive around.
Left PG.
Movie.

2nd April 2008
Mood less at work.
Moody.
Worry.
Hurt.
645pm Parked beside the road on PG Bridge. Cried.
750pm, left the bridge.
830pm, slept.
4am, woke up.
Whole night, worried and hurt.

3rd April 2008
Mood less at work.
Quit? Try?
Worry and hurt still.
Decision... quiet.

5 Super Food for Weight Loss

Some foods make it really difficult to lose weight. They create their own self-sustaining cravings ("Betcha can't eat just one!") and play havoc with your blood sugar and, ultimately, your waistline. But other foods do just the opposite. You might have heard that certain foods can help you shed pounds. It's true! Here are some other tasty options that will fuel you up and generate weight loss. Make these foods a part of your daily diet and watch the pounds come slipping off.

1) Grapefruit. Ever tried the grapefruit diet? Turns out there may be some good research to back up grapefruit's reputation as a fat fighter. In a 2004 study at the Scripps Clinic in La Jolla, California, researchers investigated the effect of grapefruit on weight loss and found that eating half a grapefruit before a meal can actually help people drop weight. The researchers studied the effect of grapefruit capsules, grapefruit juice and real grapefruit. All three seemed to help, but the folks eating the real grapefruit got the best results. The mechanism isn't completely understood, but the results speak for themselves. As an added benefit, grapefruit contains cancer-fighting compounds like liminoids and lycopene, and red grapefruit has been shown to help lower triglycerides. And half a grapefruit has only 39 calories.

2) Sardines. Sardines might just be one of the greatest health bargains of all time, and they're a boon to anyone wanting to lose weight. First of all, sardines are loaded with protein, which helps stabilize blood sugar, makes you feel full and helps stimulate metabolism. Second, they're a great source of omega-3s, which not only strengthen the cardiovascular system but also are helpful in boosting mood. (And when you're in a good mood, you tend to crave less junk food!) Third, sardines are convenient, easy to find and cheap. And because they're very low on the food chain, they're remarkably free of contaminants, such as mercury and heavy metals.

3) Pumpkin. You may know this vegetable for its central role in Thanksgiving celebrations, but it's also one of the greatest weight-loss foods ever. Plain old canned pumpkin is absolutely loaded with fiber and has a mere 40 calories. Dozens of studies confirm that high fiber intake is associated with a host of health benefits, including weight management. Pumpkin is also among the easiest food in the world to prepare. You can sweeten it with your favorite low or 0-calorie sweetener, sprinkle it with blood-sugar-lowering cinnamon and nutmeg for good measure, throw in some healthy almonds and make it one of the best tasting weight-loss treats around. It's filling and delicious.

4) Grass-Fed Beef. Meat is a great diet food -- if it doesn't contain antibiotics, steroids and hormones. Eat grass-fed beef and avoid the health concerns that go along with eating meat while getting all the terrific benefits. Buffalo burgers are a good alternative if you can't find grass-fed beef. High-protein diets are associated with weight loss for a variety of reasons: Protein stimulates metabolism, helps you feel full longer and helps decrease the desire to overeat. Grass-fed beef has a high omega-3 content, giving you multiple health benefits into the bargain.

5) Green Tea. This natural weight-loss stimulant might not be a food, but green tea is still a great slimming solution, not to mention that it's rich in antioxidants, promotes heart health, aids digestion and regulates blood sugar and body temperature. It raises the metabolic rate and speeds up fat oxidation, thus helping people lose weight. Drink it daily to boost your metabolism. Some research has shown that five cups a day is the magic number for fat loss. As an added benefit, the theanine in green tea is also a great natural de-stressor.

Hidden Reasons You Can't Lose Weight

Hidden Reasons You Can't Lose Weight

YOUR EATING

Confusing “heart-healthy fat” or “fat free” with low calorie. Switching to olive oil from butter is a heart healthy choice, but won't save you any calories. To lose weight, it's important to cut the amount (instead of a tablespoon at 120 calories, try a teaspoon at 40 calories, since it's so flavorful). Fiber rich, whole grains are a great choice, and fat-free, but the calories add up we don’t stop with ½ - 1 cup serving. The only solution to this is label reading for calories per serving; when you see that reduced-fat peanut butter has just about the same calories as regular peanut butter, you won't be fooled by clever ads.

Poor calorie “eyeballing” (studies show 50% too low). We all feel we’re good at estimating portion size, but the cues to do so set us up for failure. Studies show we are at least 50% too LOW in our estimates – even when professionals do it.

Skipping Meals. Too busy, or choosing to skip a meal to save calories? The problem with meal skipping is you get over-hungry for the next meal – “I didn’t realize I was so hungry”, once you start eating.


YOUR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Too much exercise is a biological stimulant for hunger. This is very common for dieters who only want to focus on exercise as a way to cut calories.. Rigorous exercise stimulates appetite to “refuel” for metabolic balance. I'm talking 2 hours of more intense activity. Plus, like the poor "eyeballing" of food, most of us aren't skilled at estimating how many calories are used for activity. Just remember it can take 5 minutes to eat a 500 calorie piece of pie, and nearly 2 hours to exercise it away!

On the other end of things, no exercise is a diet disaster. Whether it's lack of time, or lack of interest - only 100 cal a day – a 20 minute walk – helps you lose 10 pounds in a year! Even a small drop in physical activity (that people ignore) packs on the pounds. Here's an example I recently heard from a patient of mine: “I used to park blocks away in a cheaper parking lot. I got promoted, and get the corporate lot. I’ve gained 5 pounds in 3 months.”

YOUR BEHAVIOR

Lack of sleep is a huge problem – when we're tired, we eat for energy. When we're tired, we lose our focus, and discipline, and lose the mental control needed to stay on track. Between-meal snacks to “wake up” are the solution when a power nap would be better. Our body's have 24-hour rhythms in many hormones and pathways - like body temperature - that don’t “reset” and get out of balance with lack of sleep.

Poor stress management - a lof of mindless eating comes from the lack of focus due to mental stress. We often confuse business with poor stress management. "I feel overwhelmed" say many patients. We eat to soothe, to reward ourselves, and to indulge in extra calories. Food DOES make us feel better, but we have to learn to self-soothe in other, non-food ways as well.

Lack of consistency (5 days on, 2 days off). “I’m trying but lifestyle isn’t working”. Some general awareness every day is needed to avoid what I call “weight creep”. It takes only 100 calories extra a day to gain 10 pounds in a year. Most often, people “relax” their lifestyle on the weekend, and can easily pack on a couple of pounds a month – 7000 calories (that’s 2 pounds) – over 8 weekend days – only about 850 calories more a day.

YOUR BIOLOGY (BODY):

Medications can cause weight gain as a side effect, when they are started. Some stimulate appetite, and others slow your metabolism. A range of medications from antidepressants; antipsychotics some antihistamines, as well as insulin and blood sugar drugs, some blood pressure medicines, and anti-inflammatory drugs can pack on the pounds. Check with your doctor when starting a new medication, and always ask if weight gain is a reported side effect - there may be another medication you can take without this side effect. This happens only at the beginning of a new medicine. If you’re started a new medicine, and gained 4 pounds or more in a month, check with your doctor…..It’s NOT the cause if you’ve been taking a medicine, and then find suddenly you’re gaining weight, months after you’ve started.

Undiagnosed Mood Disorders. Undiagnosed depression or anxiety is both behavioral and biological. While many think depressive symptoms are only the “classics”: loss of appetite, insomnia, and weight loss, a large subgroup sleeps more and eats more. Oftentimes thyroid gland problems are linked to mood disorders (see below), and can result in weight gain.

Thyroid Function – The thyroid gland is your body’s “furnace” and sets the thermostat. This is regulated by a signal from the brain to release thyroid hormone into the system. Either resting or stimulated thyroid gland activity can be a problem, and result in slow, steady weight gain.

Elevated fasting insulin. This is known as "insulin resistance" or " metabolic syndrome" and often found in people with an "apple" shape (weight accumulates in the middle). It's invisible unless you get a blood test. Blood insulin levels can be high, with blood sugar levels being normal (everyone knows that number). It does not mean diabetes (where blood sugar is high), but is a sign of pre-diabetes. This can greatly sabotage a solid weight loss effort - and correcting the problem (with medication for starters) makes that weight loss effort easier. A further plus - more weight loss alone can help lower your fasting insulin - getting you off the medication to correct the original problem!

When Things Go Wrong

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
So don't give up, though the pace seems slow –
For you may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a fain and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late when the night
slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure, turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you
mustn't quit.

As Dale Carnegie said, "Most of the important things in the world have been accompanied by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in all of life's struggles I commit and trust my life and way to you. Please give me the wisdom to know when to keep hanging on and never quit and when, if I am heading in the wrong direction, to stop, look and listen, and turn around and go in the right direction. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

A Simple Way to STRENGTHEN Your Willpower

You're not imaging it: You are more likely to have a hard time following an intense workout regemen when you're already pushing yourself to stick to a rigid diet. A study from the University of Toronto Scarborough found it's harder to maintain discipline in multiple areas of your life than it is to be strict in just one. The reason? "Self-control is a limited resource. We can only do so much before it gets depleted," says lead author Michael Inzlicht, Ph.D. However, research suggests that you can rebuild willpower with practice. Try to make an activity you're already doing more demanding, whether that measn adding 20 minutes to your gym time or cutting an extra 150 calories a day. Though you may feel strecthed at first, soon you'll be able to add new activities and handle multiple challenges with ease.

SHAPE

Healthy Relationship - The New Dating Rule

Think your no-sex-until-the-third-date guideline is enough? Try going on six months-or more. While sex is a healthly part or romantic partnerships, Kate Taylor, author of Not Tonight, Mr Right, argues that not having sex can also be beneficial when you're in a new relationship. "Women have up to 10 times more of the bonding hormone oxytocin, which is released during sex, than men do, which can cause them to feel closer to their partners than they actually are," she says. This intimacy often encourages wome to become more emotionally invested in men than they normally would, and more likely to ignore or justify behaviors that lead to an unhappy union in the long term. "Luckily, the solution is simple: Hold off on sex until you've reached a level of commitment and security you're comfortable with," Taylor says. The payoff? "You won't feel clingy or jealous in the first few months, and you'll end up with a partner you know is the right match."

from the magazine SHAPE

Thank you

Funny, I have a relief.

and now, i have a clearer vision of what i shall do. I shall help and lead, in a proper way, in a loving way.

Thank you.

Be with me

Yes, what i did was stupid, now I'm confirmed.

Never have I gone far... If only he understands like my friend does. If only he sees what was and what am I doing. If only I know what I am doing is right or wrong.

Today, I'm saying this, Dear God..forgive me.. Please give me strength, I've no idea if what I am doing is right. Please give me strength, so I could do this once more, but forgive me, for doing this again. Please be with me, i need You. Please show me a way.. Did You ever suffer or feel this pain while You were showing Your love? Is it because it is love we called, this is how we have to go through? And this is what as You created, true love? An ability aye? To test how strong am I? Dear God.. Please be with me, I am weak.

Emo attack

Sadness,
once again filled up my heart.

What have I done, I asked myself. I guess, nothing much to do either at work or after work, that has make me think too much again. I've tried to make myself busy with activities; I've tried spending money like i am afford to; I've tried to write again, but everything seems to lead to loneliness again, everything seems to lead to the past again.

It's not I'm not happy of what I have now; I had a chat with my brother the other day, and i found myself, searching for the satisfaction at work... I do not have it.. he asked,"What satisfaction you are looking for?" I tried to explain, but it seems he just couldn't get what i was trying to say. I'm just not this kind of girl, whom wish to just sit at her desk, from 9-6 everyday... I will never forget, that there was one weekend, I was so happy, which I had spent it this way -
Saturday 10am - 12noon Squash; 12noon - 1pm Lunch; 130pm - 330pm Roller Blading; 4pm - 6pm Tennis; 630pm - 8pm Dinner; 9pm - 11pm Badminton; 12am Bowling;
Sunday 630am Dim Sum Breakfast; 930am Canoing; 130pm Lunch; 3pm Karaoke; 8pm Dinner.

You may say,"This girl is insane!" but to me, that's life! And to me, work must not take up most of your time. Even if it must, it must be something you are happy about, something that make you feel good about yourself.
I want something adventurous.. how do i fit myself in the field? Where to start? I asked and asked... answers given were always, "wake up, and be realistic!" "Go into sales!" "Go work in factory!" ...

Once i told myself, maybe I'm just lonely, that's why I'm still lost. Maybe when I found someone special, I'll be alive again; but... it's just ain't going to happen that way, because it's within myself..

Every morning when you wake up,"Oh, a new day!" or "Sigh, another day at work.."? Mine, the latter one.. i could even cry thinking of it.
I tried the method, "You have the choice to choose to be happy, or to be unhappy today"; It just didn't work well, alright?
I've tried telling myself, be open, accept what has come to you, and look into it, learn about it, and you may find the interest in it.. but it's just so not me...

Am i just being stubborn here? i do not know.
I thought i will be happy again.. but clearly I am not.
I thought I'm strong and tough.. clearly I am not.
I thought I could build the interest.. clearly... I am not. I don't remember of what I've heard, or what I've read.
Of all, I guess, I'm just complaining here, maybe I didn't put much effort?

Of all.. I know, I am not happy. I'm supposed to live everyday, happy and filled with experiences.. but no.. it's more on "life's sucks!" and yet I kept pursuing myself,"life's interesting, it's how you make it interesting!"

Yes, I did do some activities, but no, I'm not happy, for the majority of my time are spent sitting in an office...


Anyway, I was at "What have i done?"... yeah.. I've been asking, did what I've done, wise or stupid. Am I being selfish once again? ...

Four months without work, I was much happier than now.. am I freak or what?
man.. i seriously no idea what am I talking now.. It's all messed up in my mind.
I'll write better next time.
Ciao now.

A Girl's Promise of Eternal Love

There was a girl
she was only 20
brave enough to explore alone
in a far away land.

She had a friend
whom she contact once in awhile,
whom she asked help from,
whom she had never seen before,
but only spoken through ICQ.

And one day,
they decided to meet up.
To him, she was an elephant through his imagination;
To her, he should be a nice person.

It was a great first meet up.
Everything about him was so great,
only that his saliva was all over
whenever he spoke!
They took a 3 hours walk
from town along the beach,
back to where they stayed.

She can't stop thinking of him;
He didn't quit talking to her.
Soon they spent more time together,
and soon after 2 weeks,
man, she was so in love!

For almost 3 years,
they spent everyday together,
they conquered everything together,
even better than a married couple does!
It was never tough to her,
it was only bitter and sweet,
for the love was so true,
for the love was so pure.
She knew,
he had to adapt to her,
and for that,
she appreciated him more by days,
she trusted him with all her heart,
she loved him with all she had.

She remembered,
if she were to leave him for a week,
a day before she left,
she would cry like a baby does...
hoped that he would be there,
whenever wherever...

Then she learnt to be strong,
she didn't want him to suffer,
she didn't want money to bother,
she tried to give him the best,
and she stopped him from buying gifts;
yet ego he had at times,
so she acted like a kid sometimes,
"oh, i want this; and i want that too,"
it was rather sweet..

Story about them,
it was too much to share,
for it was very true and lovely.

Once,
he hurt her unintentionally,
she still loved him dearly,
but she can't get over the incident...
she knew she had to go
in order to get back her love.

Soon,
she made a decision
which hurt her deeply,
that brought her sleepless nights,
that strengthen her love,
that suffer her deadly...
which she always wished,
"If only I could die right away..."

Everyday since the break,
no one touches the picture that
she displayed on her table,
nor her make-up desk,
where she could see him
every now and then..
And there was a key chain,
with his and her dreams within,
she kept it nicely,
in her musical box,
as if their love will last
as beautiful as the music does..

Time passed
and he was slowly doing well,
never did her love quit;
wanting to be his side again,
yet worry if she brings bad luck.

She never had the courage,
for he was doing so well.
She didn't want him to misunderstand,
she had no way to tell,
how much she missed him,
how much she loved him still.
Until she was ready to speak,
everything was few steps behind.

Love,
is a wonderful thing.
It could be magic;
It is an ability.
She does believe in love,
before she called the break,
she told herself,
"If it is love we hold,
we will be together again,"

Now that he found another,
eternal love that they promised,
it is remain as a dream.
She was disturbed by the news,
for it was the day
she decided to talk to him.
Few steps behind,
and she has the eternal love
only by herself.

She tries harder to deny,
she tries harder to live with it,
yet
the harder she tries,
the more pain she feels.

No one really know the truth,
she has always tell lies to cover her feelings.
Only recently she told a friend
she can't afford to hide more.
Her friend once told her,
"no other girlfriend would do what you did
it was irrelevant but it hold a great purpose,"
Gosh, that hurt her deeply deep...
She was just a kid,
just wanted her man to be strong..
If only their love is eternal,
even hell would be heaven too...

All she wanted was to see him happy again,
for she knows,
he loves life,
he loves activities,
and his mom and aunts,
loves him dearly;
it must have been very hurtful
to see him suffer so...
She must not do anything
to hurt him once more
nor to hurt them again.

She is so sorry
she didn't know any other way
to make him strong
but with all the harsh and hurtful things
she had done.
She must had forgotten,
love could be magic too.
She must had forgotten,
once love had make them so strong.
She was just a kid,
lost alone in a small island,
tried to be strong
by denying the love..
but
she must had forgotten,
love could be magic..

She was just a kid,
missed her love too much,
couldn't bear with the distance of all sudden,
for they had spent the past 3 years,
every day and night.
If only she was strong
and waited him alone for months,
their eternal love as promised,
could be the fairy tale comes true...
and hell would be heaven too...

It wasn't unanswered.
Holding to his promises after the break,
she learnt to love again,
but...
she was just steps behind...

She will make a fairy tale comes true,
there is eternal love in her heart,
that she assures.
And she wants nothing but his happiness.
Love is an ability;
Love is a magic.