Too much to say, too much to note down;
How long have I not written anything here? Or should I say, how long have I not blog? LOL
It has been a tough year for me - family, career, love.
Family - Dad's health level has decreased badly; Mom's health too has ring the alarm; Brother's eldest son keeps on having fever, younger son, whom is only 2 months old, is also sick; Second brother, far away. He is the one I always thought of if I were in any kind of emotional attack; but... this time, things aren't like how it was. Communication failure occurs.
Yeah, once again, I'm cracking my head, figuring how to handle these. Uncle from HK came since last week. Once we met, he asked,"Are you okay?" I answered,"Yeah! I am Good!", with a smile. Then he said,"Sometimes, we just can't help them up. Communication failure between the other 2 parties, if they can't settle it after all these years, what else can we do? Do you think we are able to settle it, when they can't even settle it among themselves?" I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered,"There is always a way to handle something," Then he asked again,"Are you tough enough?" I nodded again, with a thumbs up sign and a smile on my face. Uncle then said,"Don't feel sad," I guess, he saw my tears in my eyes while I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered again,"Gosh.. I am so in need of a shoulder right now! It's tough, but I must, for this family, for the love within, I have to get the key to everyone's heart!"
Career - I was struggling and argued with dad over the past career. Struggling to leave hometown or to stay; struggling to prioritize family or career...
Anyway, the one i am working on, well, not bad I would say. At least, I get to play around with the psychology, I meant applying the psychology. One important thing is, I am not allowed to discuss my job with anyone. SO, I ain't gonna write anything about it here.
Love - hm. What a topic.. When there was love, there wasn't appreciation. Noticed I use the word "was"? Sigh. I do believe in true love. True love doesn't mean forever? How do you define "true love"? I think, true love means you truly love someone, and that's it. Does that mean, a person might have more than one true love in his life? I guess so, but I do not agree. Gosh, I think I am talking craps. Anyway, about my love topic, it isn't that I want to think or talk about it. I attended friend's and cousin's wedding, I was being thrown questions, most of it sounds like this,"Hey, when's your turn?"
The song,"From This Moment", so touching, so lovely, yet it was sorrow that filled my heart, the night on my cousin's wedding. I can feel my tears within my heart. Could it because of I felt a friend's sorrow? Or could it be, "that wouldn't be my song, any day in this life,".. Would anyone teach me, how do I love a hurt soul? How do I heal a hurt soul? How do I help myself to love and beloved by as if it is the first love, in both hurt souls?
Family, a place I belong. A bond I wish to strengthen; yet variety of perspectives, variety of ego, variety of opinions, among the members within, the effort to create the closeness, is rather tough and bitter. I don't deny, I feel hurt and I do cry easily; needing space and smart tactics to handle the family; needing time and hard work to secure my career; and so in need of love to nurture my soul whenever I am hurt or lost or confused; That is why, I never dare to get myself hurt again in love. Knowing that the person I love, wouldn't have care much about showing his affection towards me, and knowing that all I get might be only empathy, I found out I've lost my passion in love. I noticed, one new quote in my life, "I dare not get any steps near to love". Another thing, when hurt souls said they are in love again, are they? Or they are only looking for someone whom they can lean on? I remembered, when I was younger, during secondary school, schoolmates always like to ask,"If you have to choose, who would you choose? A person whom loves you or a person whom you love?" And I will always answered,"Neither. I will only want a person whom I love and loves me back, that is happiness," People these days, extinct? Nah, maybe it's rare, maybe there is a lot; most important is, you appreciate it when it's near you, open your heart, open your eyes.. as for myself, when I found a person I've clicked with, before we get to start anything, I give up. Too scare to get involve, which also means, I am too afraid to get hurt. Man, it's seriously killing within when it's hurt!
Anyway, back to family. Dad finally decided to go to the doctor. Lucky thing dad went for the check up. Doc said if dad were to come later, there is no turning back. If only you people know what I went through to make my dad to see the doc.. sigh. Well, at least dad is looking better now if were to compare to the past 2 weeks. We are still waiting for the results from KL, maybe will do some other test again; the outcome, either will be better, or will have to take medication whole life, not to cure but only to suppress.
So much to say about dad, about mom, about bro, about myself.. no idea whereabouts to start and make an good ending for this blog..
Never miss a chance to say I love you.
I love you, dad.
I love you, mom.
I love you, both my brothers and sis in law.
I love you, my ultraman.
I love you, my baobei.
I love you, new born baby.
I miss you, my love.
Love, so subjective, yet so touching everyone's heart aye?
How long have I not written anything here? Or should I say, how long have I not blog? LOL
It has been a tough year for me - family, career, love.
Family - Dad's health level has decreased badly; Mom's health too has ring the alarm; Brother's eldest son keeps on having fever, younger son, whom is only 2 months old, is also sick; Second brother, far away. He is the one I always thought of if I were in any kind of emotional attack; but... this time, things aren't like how it was. Communication failure occurs.
Yeah, once again, I'm cracking my head, figuring how to handle these. Uncle from HK came since last week. Once we met, he asked,"Are you okay?" I answered,"Yeah! I am Good!", with a smile. Then he said,"Sometimes, we just can't help them up. Communication failure between the other 2 parties, if they can't settle it after all these years, what else can we do? Do you think we are able to settle it, when they can't even settle it among themselves?" I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered,"There is always a way to handle something," Then he asked again,"Are you tough enough?" I nodded again, with a thumbs up sign and a smile on my face. Uncle then said,"Don't feel sad," I guess, he saw my tears in my eyes while I nodded. Within my heart, I whispered again,"Gosh.. I am so in need of a shoulder right now! It's tough, but I must, for this family, for the love within, I have to get the key to everyone's heart!"
Career - I was struggling and argued with dad over the past career. Struggling to leave hometown or to stay; struggling to prioritize family or career...
Anyway, the one i am working on, well, not bad I would say. At least, I get to play around with the psychology, I meant applying the psychology. One important thing is, I am not allowed to discuss my job with anyone. SO, I ain't gonna write anything about it here.
Love - hm. What a topic.. When there was love, there wasn't appreciation. Noticed I use the word "was"? Sigh. I do believe in true love. True love doesn't mean forever? How do you define "true love"? I think, true love means you truly love someone, and that's it. Does that mean, a person might have more than one true love in his life? I guess so, but I do not agree. Gosh, I think I am talking craps. Anyway, about my love topic, it isn't that I want to think or talk about it. I attended friend's and cousin's wedding, I was being thrown questions, most of it sounds like this,"Hey, when's your turn?"
The song,"From This Moment", so touching, so lovely, yet it was sorrow that filled my heart, the night on my cousin's wedding. I can feel my tears within my heart. Could it because of I felt a friend's sorrow? Or could it be, "that wouldn't be my song, any day in this life,".. Would anyone teach me, how do I love a hurt soul? How do I heal a hurt soul? How do I help myself to love and beloved by as if it is the first love, in both hurt souls?
Family, a place I belong. A bond I wish to strengthen; yet variety of perspectives, variety of ego, variety of opinions, among the members within, the effort to create the closeness, is rather tough and bitter. I don't deny, I feel hurt and I do cry easily; needing space and smart tactics to handle the family; needing time and hard work to secure my career; and so in need of love to nurture my soul whenever I am hurt or lost or confused; That is why, I never dare to get myself hurt again in love. Knowing that the person I love, wouldn't have care much about showing his affection towards me, and knowing that all I get might be only empathy, I found out I've lost my passion in love. I noticed, one new quote in my life, "I dare not get any steps near to love". Another thing, when hurt souls said they are in love again, are they? Or they are only looking for someone whom they can lean on? I remembered, when I was younger, during secondary school, schoolmates always like to ask,"If you have to choose, who would you choose? A person whom loves you or a person whom you love?" And I will always answered,"Neither. I will only want a person whom I love and loves me back, that is happiness," People these days, extinct? Nah, maybe it's rare, maybe there is a lot; most important is, you appreciate it when it's near you, open your heart, open your eyes.. as for myself, when I found a person I've clicked with, before we get to start anything, I give up. Too scare to get involve, which also means, I am too afraid to get hurt. Man, it's seriously killing within when it's hurt!
Anyway, back to family. Dad finally decided to go to the doctor. Lucky thing dad went for the check up. Doc said if dad were to come later, there is no turning back. If only you people know what I went through to make my dad to see the doc.. sigh. Well, at least dad is looking better now if were to compare to the past 2 weeks. We are still waiting for the results from KL, maybe will do some other test again; the outcome, either will be better, or will have to take medication whole life, not to cure but only to suppress.
So much to say about dad, about mom, about bro, about myself.. no idea whereabouts to start and make an good ending for this blog..
Never miss a chance to say I love you.
I love you, dad.
I love you, mom.
I love you, both my brothers and sis in law.
I love you, my ultraman.
I love you, my baobei.
I love you, new born baby.
I miss you, my love.
Love, so subjective, yet so touching everyone's heart aye?
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