The Waiting

The waiting, isn’t easy at all.

I thought, I would be tough enough in handling these. I thought, I would be able to go through this one week without much worries and tense; yet the waiting, seriously is killing.

Knowing that dad is worry about his health, knowing that mom is worry about dad’s health, knowing dad is worry about brother and my darlings (my nephews).. and I can’t do anything but to wait patiently of the medical report.

Just needed to burst out. Everything seems messed up ever since dad fall sick. The statement from the doctor, has been affecting everyone’s emotions. Is everyone trying to be tough in front of everyone else? Is dad pretending as if he is alright and don’t bother at all? Is brother acting as if there isn’t any prove yet? I know I am. I can’t help myself the other day when mom called. Tears in my eyes, I was stunned. How if it’s true? I’ve been telling myself,”hey, don’t judge anything before any written prove,” But, ain’t I need to be psychologically ready for the worst to occur? I can’t just pretend the doctor never mentioned anything. Maybe I should think of some other way.. I could ask dad to check with another doctor whether the comment from this doctor is correct.

Family comes first. I am so lost at times, no idea whereabouts to start anything. Yeah, I don’t deny, I am weak in handling the stress. Dad means too much to me. My mind has been thinking of all the consequences I may need to face within this family if anything were to go wrong. I am thinking too much again…

I just couldn’t concentrate in anything.. I can’t perform well at work; I fell down in gym during work out; injured myself in gym; can’t sleep during the nights;

Another four days to go.. the waiting.. is hell tough. You know, your mind ought to think of something, and yet at the same your mind is telling you, "stay focus, don’t make assumptions,” .. that’s how I am now.