These are some gifts i've got during my Raya trip back to hometown. I remembered the instant touch on my heart when i saw those presents, especially the key chain which written my name on it. The butterfly at the far right end of it, it's so adorable. The alphabet E, there's a crown on it. Haha. It's an beautiful artwork. I love it, really! This trip home, it's a good and wonderful one. I had many wonderful days, i had many wonderful memories, i had many wonderful gathering with people i hold so dearly in my heart. If i own a camera, i would capture every moments so that it would last forever. The quality time i had, i am truly appreciated it. Love~
I searched in my memories you were everywhere i was 无法不记得 那个属于你我的日子 I tried to find any other memorable memories and I see no one else but you
当我们告别时 何等潇洒地说Okay 告诉自己 This too shall pass
哭过了 放下了 回忆却依然徘徊着 I feel you in whatever i do So tell me now how do i go through a day without you
伪装自己 依然潇洒 想让自己走出 一片属于自己的天空
And again "Hello" I say to my memories 它将会是 我远走高飞的勇气
我不想 回忆停留在回不去的从前 So i say to myself leave the memories as what it shall be Live Well Love Much Laugh More Let's make more memorable memories The gift of life is Life itself!
You seriously need to try this if you take both beef and lamb! I was there for lunch, i ordered Lamb Chump, cost RM21.60 only. Delicious! My friend ordered Sloin Grs, cost RM28.10 only. The price is depends on the weight of the meat you choose. Medium cook, with your choice of mustards and sauce... Wa lah! Heard that the burger is big and good too. Next time, i shall go again! When i have the chance, i will upload the close up look of the food! Cheers!
Two weeks ago on a weekend, i met up with a long lost childhood friend-Hsia. Gosh, it was such a quality time. Both us has not changed much after all these years. The picture above was what i ordered. I didn't have much interest in this dish when it was being served. However, it does taste good though. Haha. Like the saying goes, don't judge the book by its cover. We both hang out there almost whole night. Well, looking forward for our next catch up time!
Looks nice aye? Just the look. The taste, tasteless. If bite the salted fish, then there's the salted fish taste. Claypot chicken rice taste, do not have lar... I ordered Penang Lobak as well, also another cannot go. Some kind of dinner. I was full, but ain't satisfy. I will find some good food again tonight. Oh, by the way, i'm blogging using cellphone now, it seems like i can upload only one picture for a blog. The Penang Lobak picture i'll skip it for now. Next time i shall take all dishes together in only one picture. ;-)
Awesome cases i've attended the past few days. The picture attached here is from the workshop. There was another workshop two days ago on hernias but i didn't take any pictures. From last week's congress until today's workshop, it's pretty exhausting i must say; but i do hope it's all worth it for my training here. There were three cases yesterday. Picture shown above was a Total Colectomy and Ileorectal Anastomosis case. Hm. Kind of a complicated case. It took around four hours to finish it. The surgeons were really pro in what they were doing; anyhow, if you can't see blood, you won't enjoy being in the Operation Theater (OT). If you're okay with it, you'll be amaze of how fantastic is Laparoscopy works in medical field; and how awesome are those surgeons with the skills. Well, workshops are done for this two weeks. Hm, i'm looking forward for the next one, hopefully soon. I realized, i might learn better when i'm on field. Gosh, i really do hope that i'm progressing, wouldn't wish to take too much time... Time is everything in the field. My territory is waiting!
I was at the World Urology Congress last weekend. Hm. It was such an experience I would say, but if you were to ask, "What have you learnt?" Gosh.. I seriously can't answer that. Hell right. I was pretty much in stress the day before the congress, trying to read through the urology catalogue, somehow I just couldn't get anything into my brain. While I was at the congress, I was too blur and didn't know what exactly to promote and how to really approach the walk in clients. At this stage, I am still having very low self-confidence. What do I know about products? What are our main products? What are the strategies?
I talked to a senior friend, she can always give me some good advices. I realized my mistakes. I have not prepared myself well by asking the right questions in preparing myself for the congress. Stress? Something I brought to myself because of my own consequences. Initiative is the word. The right question is another key. but... like I have menti0ned in my previous blogs, how do I know which is right and which is not? It ain't that I do not think, maybe I am just not that smart enough, I just can't be a smart ass as spontaneous as I could have been, aye?
I did try to listen, I did try to read. What are those difficulties I am facing? Gosh, help me. No doubt, I am feeling stress as days passes by. What have I done within these two months? Have I really tried and pushed myself? But why am I feeling so lost each and every time I attended any workshop; or ask questions; or even reading those books at my very own corner? Three months is soon finishing, and i can't wait to learn up things, but I am as if now lost in the jungle of Storz! Time is not waiting and I really do not have much time left..
It has been sleepless nights again. I try not to think about the problems currently happening at home; try to concentrate in work, try to make myself busy after work, or sometimes even sleep pretty early; but I guess, when things are left unsettled, avoiding still wouldn't help any much.
A friend once told me, when it isn't meant for us to settle, then just leave it. Can I? I tried telling my brother about what's going on, all I got was, "Don't bother," How? If them already not bothering of these, should I the only and the last one who is still staying with my family, not to bother too? I can imagine, how heartfelt pain, and lonely both them will become, whenever they ain't talking to each other. Who's gonna listen to them?
Hear but don't listen? Ask but ain't really care? Ask just for the sake of fulfilling their curiosity? Those should only happen in so-so friendship.
Anyway, back to my job. Tomorrow is another workshop. Tonight, maybe, maybe I can figure out what have I missed during my last workshop lessons. Yesterday and today, I was at a workshop in Ampang Hospital. I hope, I did learn something these two days. What is my current concentration? Check..
hm. It seems like today's blog is as lost as my current situation. sigh. What a start and what an end. Kinda lost track now, I have not been really blogging these days.
If you ask me if I like my job? Yeah, I do. I like my job, I like my colleagues. I just hate it when I am so lost.
Oh by the way, I've got my self a new nickname - Mangoesteen.. from a Prof. sigh. For those who knows me, you know how this nick came about.. what a joke..
Anyway, gonna back to hostel now. Will try to write some better blog next time around.
I am lost and I seriously have no idea how to handle it.
I thought, I should confront them; but then one party act as if there was nothing happened, another kept telling me what had happened and what is happening; yet keep telling me, not to ask or mention anything to the other party whom involved.
What should I do? I thought of writing a letter of fact; both written and given to both parties involved; but would that worsen the situation? I have no idea.
I have not tell both my brothers about it. Is this issue something new, or to them, it's just another dramatic incident again?
My heart struggling in between, to stay back, or to leave. To stay back, so that I could know what's going on, and maybe I could help ease the situation;To leave, I just wish not to hear or know about it; in other word, I am pretending I do not know about it, then maybe it will stay in mind, that there ain't such thing happened before.
Somehow i feel offended. I don't get it. If i'm studying about a topic, what's so wrong about asking a why, or a how question? Each time i threw a question, i'll get a common reply like - 'I don't know' or 'You don't have to go so much detailed'. Sometimes, they demotivated me to ask further; sometimes I would just go about and ask questions till they can't answer, a thought to themselves- 'I've never know that..' Somehow, I felt they're annoyed of my asking questions behaviour. So, to ask or not to ask? I'd prefer search the internet, find the answers on my own. Or maybe i could share with some friends, brainstorming. Haha. But hell right, i do feel offended each time they're telling me, i'm going into too detailed. How should i do now? Am i really studying the wrong directions?
I miss Wolfi~ Missing him a lot and worrying about him a lot.
Called home last night to check out how is he doing, found out that he didn't eat in the morning, nor noon. He didn't even want to eat in the evening; then maybe he got hungry, he had to finish whatever is left there in the bowl.
Talked to dad, I even talked to Wolfi across the phone.. yeah, I am really missing him so. Dad said he was searching for me after hearing my voice, and lucky thing, he started eating then.
I know I may sound stupid to talk to a puppy through the phone; I am only taking it as, talking to a baby through phone when you misses them so. So, there is nothing wrong talking to a puppy too, aye? They do hear us anyway.
I even tried video calling, but failed. Called up help centre, they said there is some video call problem at where I am staying. I think that would be an excuse only. Wished not to argue further, I hang up the phone, and they actually charged me for calling the HelpLine. Aren't it supposed to be FOC?
Called dad again and confirmed that Wolfi had finished the food and was asleep in the living room. Talked to dad for awhile then hang up the phone. Tears were there in my eyes, I am so missing Wolfi.
I remembered the day when I went home last weekend, the way how he welcomed me home, or should I say, "Wow, she is back! She has been disappearing for some days, and now she is here!"
I remembered that day when I arrived Penang, felt so lost. haha. Wanted to walk home, but I was too afraid to make the move. It was 310am, and I was at the station. I know there were people offered to fetch me, asked me to give them a call when I arrived, but I just couldn't make that call at that hour and wake somebody up, just to pick me up. So, I hang around the station, had a cup of instant noodle, I even had a nap with my piggy at the station. Till it was 530am, I gave Mumusan a call (thanks for picking me up, I am really appreciated it =] ).
Arrived home, Wolfi was there, jumping up and down, for as long as he could. Even when I was sitting down already, he will came by and trying to be pampered around me. And yes, I love him so much. I talked to him. You know, after I watched the movie "10 Promises to My Dog", yes, I try my very best to build the relationship between myself and my puppy. It's like how you trying to build the bridge between you and your friend, or your partner. Taking care of the puppy since he was only 1 month plus. Now, he is already 5 months old. A very young puppy with very low guts; but very smart; active, sensitive, sleeps whenever wherever.. You will eventually grow some kind of feelings when you really take an effort into knowing a person or a pet. Look into that person (or pet), realize the qualities and learn to appreciate them. I am still in the process of knowing Wolfi. It does take the time and effort.
hmm.. I am so missing him.. this feeling, it makes me feel lonely too. hmm. Hey Wolfi, if only one day animal can read (hahaha..), be good alright; and know that I really miss you. Hope the genetic decease that you are experiencing now will soon recover.
Hi there, I have a female puppy for adoption, in Penang.
I am only looking for a dog lover, who would be kind enough to give this cute puppy a home; someone who is willing to commit for as long as it takes, to love her as a family.
She was being abandoned at the Air Itam market few days ago. I think she is only a little more than a month old, yet to be two months old.
If anyone is interested, or if there is some other friends who are interested, kindly correspond to leehooi811@gmail.com
Thank you. GOOD NEWS!! 23rd May 2009
Puppy has been adopted. She will be staying in Ipoh. Thank you all~ = )
Can you really lose weight without 'dieting'? long term and keep it off? In a healthy way? Yes if you know what it takes to lose weight: creating an energy deficit.
Energy or kj's work like this; you intake energy from food and you use it to sustain your body (all functions such as breathing, circulation, temperature regulation etc use energy, as well as building and repairing tissues) and by activity or moving the body. Weight gain or loss depends on a very simple equation:
Energy in = energy out; weight maintenance
Energy in > energy out; weight gain
Energy in < energy out; weight loss
It's solid science, it's a clear mathematical equation. It is true, it works. The law of conservation of energy states: energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed from one form to another. And this is of course exactly what happens in the human body. Energy from food can be used to heat the body, to contract muscles to walk, to absorb minerals to build bones etc. But if there is extra floating around it will be stored and our big spare energy storage system is the fat cells. So what do you do if you have too much stored energy?
The attack should be two-fold:
1. lower in the intake of new energy to give you a chance to use the spare you’re already carrying and
2. increase the use of energy, convert it into a form you can lose/convert/pass back to the universe. How is this done??? Through energy required for physical activity, convert it to movement and thermoregulation etc.
So the variables are; how much are you eating and are you really conscious of how much energy you're ingesting? (Are your snacks healthy or are they secretly adding to your waistline?) And are you moving enough to justify what you take in/ move stored weight?
Tips to take note of...
cut your energy (kj) intake without ‘dieting’, without reducing volume of food cutting down on how much food you eat. (See energy density below)
biggest problem with diets is – you’re hungry, you’re deprived, not sustainable, can’t live like that, so you blow it.
AND do not diet—by cutting down drastically on food intake—because it ruins your metabolism that is, it ruins your energy equation, it tells your body to save energy, not use it. You can train your body to be a better energy user by giving it more of what it needs in terms of quality nutrients and then stimulating it to use it for good (build muscle and bone through exercise).
this is why you should not skip good carbs (and do you know what they are anyway? fruit & Veg are mostly carbs!) and not go on a diet high in fatty protein (like Bacon) which has lots of kj’s.
Substitution examples; better choices in terms of less energy, longer lasting energy, increased processing time and high in essential nutrients (fit foods).
Choosing foods which belong in your everyday foods, criteria include: high in fibre, multi-grain, packed with vitamins and minerals, give specific examples of better choices in terms of energy density of common foods, especially snacks.
Energy density
Finding foods which give less energy for any given volume (say 100g) is the key to eating the same amount but less energy. How? Look at where most energy comes from…
Fat = 38kj per gram
Carbohydrate = 17kj per gram
Protein = 17kj per gram
Alcohol = 29kj per gram
All this proves is that fat give the most energy, the easiest way to cut down on total kj’s is to lower the fat and eat more carbs or protein instead. That is the bottom line about energy, clear, conclusive and undeniable, no matter what is said about protein and carbs. This is not new info but it does simplify all the diet hype, misinformation and confusion which comes with every new diet peddled on the market.
Note about alcohol; I like a glass of bubbly as much as the next girl, but you must keep in mind the energy density is nearly up there with fat, but it's worse because your body cannot use or store it (ethanol is toxic to muscle function) so it will use this as a preferred energy source and store other eaten energy. If you drink alcohol regularly you'll have trouble tipping the energy equation in favour of weight loss…
In terms of lifestyle - life's too short to count kilojoules! But if you can work out how to modify your nutrition so it's working with your goals you won't need to know how much energy is in your blueberry muffin… just make them with apple puree instead of all the butter and sugar and enjoy!
Comment Left by one reader: I like the sentiments expressed in the above article, except for one omission. Yes, carbs and protein are the same when it comes to energy density, however our bodies respond to them vastly differently. Carbs will induce an insulin response, which in turn creates more hunger and in the case of sugars as opposed to whole grains a very sharp insulin spike- which also creates cravings for more of the stuff to boot. Protein however does not create any insulin spike and keeps you full longer- just make sure it is lean protein, preferably low in salt as well. Eat mainly lean protein and vegetables (not the starchy ones like potatoes, corn etc) with moderate amounts of whole grain carbs and a couple of pieces of fruit (berries are great, they are low in carbs and high in anti-oxidants), get walking and you are laughing! Try to eat small, frequent meals rather than one or two big ones, and make sure there is a small amount of lean protein with each. Oh, and don't forget to drink lots of water!
I am worry, if he could go on the days without me, playing around with him, feeding him with all the snacks, sitting by his side and feed him dinner on my palm, pampered him to sleep, be there whenever he wants a mate, whenever he learns new things, bring him to the field, race 100meters with him, take a nap with him on the floor after fighting over for the cushion, having myself wet for showering him, talking to him, wish him morning and good night everyday, hugging him every now and then, and allowing him to sleep on my feet whenever wherever he wishes to.
Or I think... it isn't he need me more; I think I need Wolfi more. Gosh, i am so going to miss him so!
You have to be good, okay? Stay good, stay smart, be smarter too. Do take care of parents while I am away. Grow up, grow up, and grow up healthy okay.
I am so lucky to have you as my friend, my family.
once a friend was explaining to me the difference of making love and having sex the end of discussion making love = you look into each others eyes; you are facing each other; intimate feelings is there having sex = all those positions you apply during the intercourse and you are not facing each other
my understanding? making love and having sex carry the same meaning, it's just that both are different ways of acknowledge people of the intercourse; something like a more softer way to say it. I believe intercourse exists only when love exists, intimate feelings exist; it comes in a package.
Today, making love = intercourse with someone you love and love you in return having sex = just for the sake of having sex
Ouch! Am I too old to understand this? Maybe I should just go and die, as I was being wished that way before.
How would someone be so harsh in words they said? Have they not think before what they are going to say, will hurt a person's feelings?
失眠差不多两个星期了吧 I was thinking to have a good night sleep tonight, since I was at the game and felt kinda tired too; also was earlier had a lunch appointment tomorrow. Thought an early "time off" would do a good trick, for the appointment, and whole day work on a Saturday.
Nah, things just didn't turn out as I wished. Arrived home after the game, didn't get enough time to even take off my socks, I was being nagged and blamed for nothing. So, I sat there in front of the television, still with my socks on my feet, jacket and racket on my body, "experiencing" the hurtful words attacking my heart.
Not until it was 12am, I went for my bath. I told myself, "Alright, don't think too much, don't go out, just relax and have a hot shower. It's a better day tomorrow," I barely felt my heart beating, it was so sorrow and painful. Ah, then I got a postponed plan of the lunch. Stunned a minute. I need to blog, that was all the while in my mind, and now I am here.
There were three persons expressed their interest towards me, yesterday. And there were three persons hurt my feelings today. Life is so fair and balanced aye?
Wolfi was the only one comforted me and had a nap with me in the living room. I shall get a good morning sleep; a good lunch, hmm. I am thinking of siTigun; then go to work. I am not sure if I want to stay in town for the Wesak Day parade or not. What about my dinner? hmm. Nando's? or siTigun tiramisu~ for dinner, lunch I take claypot chicken rice? 我有欲望！好想吃。。。西餐！意大利餐！
*Found this while I was browsing back old times blog. Does it really exist? I hold to the words, and things just didn't turn out as written. Does it exist? Unable to step ahead no matter how eager I want to.
Dear Ern, Sometimes in life you cannot look at the negative all the time. If you open up your eyes, you may actually see the more positive side.
Life is all about decision. The decisions that you make will detemine where you will be in the future. This is what my stepdad told me before when I was very young but I still remember this quote. However I would like to add, you will always have options. Dont worry about what decision you make now as there will always be a way out of your problem.
Trust me I know that everything will work out for you. I know that. You were a very sure and strong person. A girl with her very own personality that can stand against the strongest wind. I know you will be fine. Just remember you still have some friends who still love, care and worry for you all the time. Do take care.
I dedicate this song to you. It was sung by Mariah Carey. The name of the song is Butterfly. Read the lyrics as it is very very true.
When you love someone so deeply They become your life It’s easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly, I imagined I could Keep you under glass Now I understand, to hold you I must open up my hands And watch you rise
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I have learned that beauty Has to flourish in the light Wild horses run unbridled Or their spirit dies You’ve given me the courage To be all that I can And I truly feel your heart will Lead you back to me When you’re ready to land
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I can’t pretend these tears Aren’t overflowing steadily I can’t prevent this hurt from Almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you’ll never be mine Until you know the way it feels to fly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun (fly to the sun) If you should return to me (I will know you’re mine) We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly My butterfly
Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
So flutter through the sky Butterfly, fly Spread your wings and fly Butterfly
What is the logic behind doing something you know it harms the harmony of life?
Seriously, am I not doing good enough?
Have you ever think for my sake? Or am I just a person who should play my role and do my responsibilities whenever you want me to?
Do you care because I am yours? Or do you really care because I am a person who needs to walk my own life? All I am seeing, you care because I am yours.
I will never forget how I begged for some mercy, and how you begged for that material, without considering how am I going to survive myself.
I never blame anyone but myself. I am not capable of changing it, after so many years I tried. I am already at the "I had enough" level, leaving seems to be my best options. Yet, I am staying, mainly because of I am still yours.
I am considering too much, I am worrying too much; why can't I take actions like both them?
Why I have to be tough like such?
People always say to me,"Wah, you are so lucky, must be loved all the time, and pampered too,"
I am pampered, because I am allowing myself to; but I am not really pampered, because they ain't really pampered me so.
I learnt to be so tough, learnt to analyze every single situations, learnt to handle every possible conflicts that will happen, learnt to shut my mouth anytime anywhere whatever I hear or listen, learnt to clear the conflicts without involving anyone but myself etc.
I am only human, I am not superwoman. I am only a girl, and I am the youngest of all. Why am I having all these on my shoulder, on my heart? Because they learnt to let go, and they left early, that's why. And because they just don't seem to think for my sake, yet I am the only person thinking for their sake.
That is why, I am allowing people to named me as "stupid" at times.
"It's how you look at it, a career, or just a job," said a friend.
I do not know, how far I can go in that job, but I do know, it's going to be a tough one.
I know they are concern, and they worry, and they miss me a lot; if I never fell, how would I learn how to stand? I have all this while been in the comfort zone. Can't it be that I step my foot in there, pick up anything that is possible, and then only they be prepare to help or lend a shoulder whenever I may need one? Why is it that it has to before I start off anything, I need to make sure all are secure? Life is so unpredictable, why can't I take the step and walk it as it comes along the way?
Didn't he started all from zero, again and again? I love to be loved, I don't deny it.. but what have I achieved so far? Under the blanket, I am secured and being protected so. No matter how much I wish to step ahead and go far, I will be scare and worry. And instead of being supportive or being positive, they drag me back with possible bad consequences. Why can't there be possible of good consequences? do we human beings needs only bad consequences to make the right choice? But on what circumstances, and on what right do we judge whether the things that have yet to happen, is bad or good?
Risk is everywhere you go; whatever decision you made. Be in the situation, eventually you will know how to survive yourself. There, you might find out, how strong or tough are you, and if you are capable of being challenged that way.
The desire is so strong, but my confidence is so little. All I need is their support. Why can't it be,"Go! Go for it! Never try, how would you know?!"
He was once like that, and when I finally make up my mind to go, "You don't come here unless you are getting at least 3K,"
Or am I just too naive? It's a real world? Does the figure really determine of what and how you should live your life??
I don't deny that there are reasons for me to stay back, the locations, the people, the environment, the food. I really need to learn to stand on my own. At this age, still feeling lost, and still single, man, who knows I might not get anyone to marry me?? Gosh, I seriously need to help myself to survive on my own. Going out there to a place where I have never been exposed to before, I bet, I will learn my ways to help myself.
I ain't trying to be a superwoman. Who doesn't love to be loved and pampered? Maybe I am currently trying to live on my own too. haha.
ah, crappy. Here I am, letting go another chance, of so many chances I had before, I am letting it go again..
Believe it is close to the heart Have faith it will remain close
Over few millions Over the ocean Over the land It's just two and a half hours
Close to my heart there you are When everything is dark there you are
Never need to be alone for you are always close close to my heart
I am only lonely when the faith leaves So I need you so to be brave to have faith to believe that the day will come that the only end for us is the eternity of happiness
And there I hear the rhythm once more in the garden full with beautiful butterflies we walk each other for as long as life can be
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While youre far away dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Dont want to close my eyes I dont want to fall asleep Cause Id miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do Id still miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And Im wondering what youre dreaming Wondering if its me youre seeing Then I kiss your eyes And thank God were together I just want to stay with you in this moment forever Forever and ever
Dont want to close my eyes I dont want to fall asleep Cause Id miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do Id still miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing
I dont want to miss one smile I dont want to miss one kiss I just want to be with you Right here with you, just like this I just want to hold you close Feel your heart so close to mine And just stay here in this moment For all the rest of time
Dont want to close my eyes I dont want to fall asleep Cause Id miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do Id still miss you baby And I dont want to miss a thing
Dont want to close my eyes I dont want to fall asleep I dont want to miss a thing
"same shit different day... face it and learn to like it"
Pretty meaningful, I think. Saw that on a candidate's status. I should learn to see things that way.
It was supposed to be a busy day. It is crazy horse on leave day. My plan was to get as many resume done as possible and send.
"wake up baby".. damn.. who the heck are you to call me "baby"?? Early in the morning get so called motivation email by the crazy horse, it was rather annoying than motivating.
Seriously ruining the mood to get the job done in a quality way. At times, crazy horse requires A; at another time, crazy horse requires B when I gave A; contradicting, confusing. What the heck that you want? It's not that i ain't doing my job, it's not that I am not keen to close deal, but hey, come on, what do you want from me? I do need time to search, to screen, to interview, to understand, to process. If you can get only quality candidates to be sent, why can't i do the same? Why is it I need to simply send any? And when I did what you want me to, outfront you fire me with AK47, whichever, whenever, however. What is it that you want from me?
Hell.. Yeh, pretty emotional now. I am supposed to send resumes.
"Same shit different day... face it and learn to like it" (right......)
It's another day in office, and I am feeling drown and down. It's me, I guess. It's my attitude. Maybe he is just doing his job, and I just couldn't agree of what he is trying to do. Or could it be, he is also trying to find a balance after he lost his best employee? Maybe that is the sudden change of the atmosphere in the office. He couldn't show us of his lost out front; and I myself couldn't just kneel down and obey him as he wishes we could.
Like I have mentioned before, we tried hard to survive our situation, we developed our ways, at least I developed some of mine, he can't just come in and say,"No, that is not right! You should do it this way,"
I have my plans, I have my schedules; I am not saying what I am doing is 100% correct or right; What I am trying to say is, try to guide, try to motivate, instead of condemned and pin point, or worse, discouraged us. Always with the "but" after trying to motivate us.. from positive, soon it became negative.
"Do my job well"; to be honest, I am too emotional oriented. I feel good whenever I do my work my way, satisfaction was there; but then when he came by and ,"no, no; you should not this, you should not that; you have to be like this, you have to be like that; why are you doing this; you cannot do this etc," Gone half of my satisfaction, gone my confidence. "Am I really not doing that well?" "Am I wrong be considerate of both candidates and clients position?"
We barely talk in the office. It has became rather tense environment.
Talked to a friend during lunch today. Told me to start my own business, dad's business. Should I?
How does it go about? Isn't the competitor is so much? Told me to get KPLI as well. Woah~ Another options, Inspector or counseling department in police force. wow..
Gosh, I must be very bored or I must be couldn't be bothered much about my job now, that I am here blogging in the middle of working hours.
Got a sad news this morning.. no wonder I was so emo..
My primary school friend, Ben J; After so many years, I got to met him again last year, somewhere around October if i am not mistaken, a talkative yet nice guy; working in Kuala Lumpur, came back to attend one of our primary schoolmate's wedding.
That night we had a good primary schoolmates gathering. It was rather sweet and memorable. Soon, it was Chinese New Year of 2009. This time, we managed to meet up again, with a schoolmate whom came back from Singapore. Just few of us, at Kayu mamak, Bukit Jambul. That was a small 1989 - 1994 primary schoolmates gathering, for those who were unable to attend the big gathering we held in Hydro Majestic Hotel earlier.
Talked to him on few topics, one of it was getting married topic. Few of us actually has plan to start off their family this year, and Ben J was one of them. Our gathering that night was filled with laughters; as well as young times talks.
The news I received this morning, I couldn't believe my eyes, I read through the sms I got, again and again. When I called up another friend to ask, what to do and how is everything now, and what happened, sigh.. the sorrow hidden within our conversation was so sad, really sad.
He was riding his motorcycle and somebody just knocked him down, and that was it.. Life, is really unpredictable. To die, it may be not so scary; what is scary is, you never know how you gonna leave this world.
I forwarded the sms to some other friends, some called me and asked what happened, some asked me not to joke about it (how would I joke about this kind of topic?) ...
I am sorry that this happen to you. May you rest in peace, Ben J.
Very different taste compared to Koay Chap in Penang. It doesn't have the herbs taste, it is as delicious as it can be!
The Koay Chap only start its' business around 10pm, and normally the uncle who sells, will have to pack everything and ready to go home, when it is around 11pm. Why? Because too good! You can see, there will be a lot of people surround his stall (the "mobile" stall with a bicycle attached together), to pack home, or to eat on the spot. I promise you, it may look small in the photos, but it is really big portion (i was shocked look at it when my friends brought it over to me across the street). I packed 2 packets home for my parents, and it took them 2 meals to finish both packets.
Oh, the duck meat, the pork skin, my my my ... find one day and try it for yourself! It's in the town of SP ler.. somewhere near the trail track. I want to go back some time again. kekeke. Addicted!
By the way, we ordered pan fried fish and sotong as well. The fish was alright, sotong, so so nia. haha.. so, there isn't any pictures of them here. Sold by an auntie with the sign board "皇后烧鱼"..
I want to watch Love Matters!!! Argh.. most of my movie kakis went to watch / bought tickets without included me!!!
what the f***!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is movie day... how long have I not watching movie on a movie day?? Too long... :( I hate to work on movie day, I always choose not to go work on movie day (my job at parkson lar..) I don want to walk night market lar... I want to watch movie...
I have been very very very busy. Exhausted, that's the word. I tried to meet up with some "so long didn't keep in touch" friends, but hardly. I wouldn't want a short meet up, nor a rush one. I couldn't get enough of it if it was that situation.
Working two jobs and unable to handle it well, it really wear me out. On my permanent job, I try so hard to close a deal; yet there wasn't any appreciations if there wasn't any good results. It's pretty much of a discouragement. I do understand, each of us is stress and tense. At times, we might lose our cool, but hey, why not just leave it as "it's just work"? Something had turned into personal. The word respect has been abused. Passion of work? Easily distracted; easily crashed.
"If you have never train us from the beginning, and left us to help ourselves along the way, you can't just come now as you want and crash us as you like,"
"We have developed ways to help ourselves, to survive in the position, and now you're here to change us?"
Who would agree of your actions? If that was what I have to throw to my superior, would those be what my staff were throwing towards me as well? FYI, my freelancing job, I am a supervisor.
How well do I manage staffs? Not good. How good am I dealing with issues occurred? Not smart. How smart am I in influencing others to follow instructions willingly? Not even close. How do I act as a Supervisor? I am not sure. Do I BSBH (bao shua bao hai) everything? Not necessary.
Partially, he was not happy working under my supervision; the same as my situation now, I am not happy with my company's working atmosphere. Why? What went wrong? I can give excuses of why I am not happy, but how do I look into what I have done, which make my staff not happy working with me?
Been thinking a lot, yeh, I am a kind of person who thinks a lot. I tried not to, I was a simple girl, well, I ain't no girl anymore, am I? Thinking a lot does create complications? Not necessary. Think the right thing, then you shall see clearer. When you are lost in thoughts, then complications might occur.
I do wish I could see things simpler, I do wish I do not think so much; but when I am in this situation whereby I am short of man power, what other options do I have than trying and waiting? Yeh, maybe I could just wait and see.. it's just that I couldn't help it when it comes to,"how if I can never get another person to work for me?" The time is so limited. I can't just quit my job and work full time for a freelancing job, it is not rational.
Last week, stock checking for 2 days, I have not really completed it anyway. There are stocks went missing. Need to re-check again. Last week, my superior was here in Penang as well. Well, tense and frank, and sorrow was there, mixed up. She is a professional. I know she wasn't straight forward enough in our conversations, I know the intentions though. All I can say is, I feel really sorry, for not being able to handle a managerial position well.
I spent two nights at the hotel with my superior. Friday night was stock checking and tracking; Saturday night was happy hour with her, and I couldn't really drive; and all I had was a small bottle of Carlsberg, and 1 1/2 glass of Heineken. There was a blocking on our way to supper. Police talked to me and asked me questions but it was cool. Sigh, the first time ever. Well, tips given by my superior was, "chew the chewing gums you have, as much as possible, and split it out before they stop you". Worked though. You should probably buy some gums and place it in your car the next time you club.
The next day(Sunday), back to station again. Check Check Check. Hmm.. Was looking forward for a Swiss meal with a friend, well, the plan got canceled. I went for my brunch at Bangkok Lane, a set of roti bakar, 2 half boiled eggs, one mee goreng pedas (it was sweet rather than pedas), and milo O kosong. For the first time ever I could eat so much. Normally, it ends before I can get a mee goreng.
I missed the chance to go bowling with friends. My cell phone battery died out on me last night, and I was out there with no contacts of anyone. Kinda lonely yet kinda peaceful too. So many reports to be done, so much things I wanted to do; go for a haircut; buy myself a new charger as my new puppy has bitten of the "head" of my charger; to meet up ngoh to get my puppy's tricks food; to wash my car; wishing to watch a movie; to sleep... and I managed to nap 2 hours before LuckyGuy called for a movie. And nope, I didn't get to watch movie too. I was back to work station till it was 10:00pm.
However, one thing good was, on last Saturday, it was a friend's registration day. She invited me. It was great to have witness her registration and spent some precious time with her. It was a pity that I couldn't spend more time in her photos taking as I was required back to work station, for a meeting with my superior. Due to that, sigh, again I was late for movie. Was pretty discouraged to join the group when I have to walk into the cinema with a man whom I don't really wish to be any closer than where we are right now. He will be waiting for me if I am late. I dislike it too when the group are still trying to match me and him. It actually turn down my mood and passion for a movie session.
Anyhow, the movie-Street Fighter-The Legend of Chun Li, not very bad, and not very good. Some part of the story, kinda jumping out from nowhere. Hmm.. so-so movie, I would say. I was pretty much emotional during the movie though, not because of the story, but because I was just over a meeting with my superior. There was a lot of information in my mind, which wasn't not in time to be digested before I arrived for the movie. Silly me. Tears in cinema, not because of movie; now, that is the first time.
I intended to get very very drunk, but I never did. How does it feel when you are really really drunk? I have never tried before. Share with me?
Cheers!! Life is so sweet.. gosh, I am so in need of a break.
Negative charge is all around me; whatever I do, wherever I go, whatever I see... I am all filled up with negative charge.
How long have I not been in this situation already? I cannot blame others of what I am going through right now. Yes, I may have complains about how I was being treated, but still it's up to me on how do i take it as.
I can't relax when the problem is still there; but at the same time, I can't afford to bother much when the problem is still there. So, why the heck I worry so much, even I was only in a game? Expectation.. I expected to at least control of the situation while I am in a game; I expected to let go all my anger while I am in a game; I expected to release everything once I am in a game.
Nah, end of the day, when you aren't fully utilize your "present" moment, you ain't fully enjoying or experiencing that current moment.
There are some interesting people I met recently. I finally agree, you can't be alone in this world, can never be. Just recently, I started to discover that, behind everybody's nice looking face, outfit etc, there is always another person that you never know. It isn't that I never understand this fact before, but to know and understand the fact, and to experience it by yourself then only to know and to better understand it; it is totally different! As the matter of fact, it really scare me. Well, of course there was some which actually impressed me; reminds me of Forrest Gump too.
Anyway, cut all the crap. Guess what? I have a puppy at thome, came into the family on the 20th of February 2009, if I am not mistaken, it was born on the 23rd or 24th of January 2009. So, dad and mom took it in 2 days ago, and bring it to the vet. Pity him, got some skin problems due to the environment he was there before. Got him 2 injections and some medicine to be taken everyday. The vet doc named him as Don... so, that's his name, which I was never been consulted yet. i remembered that day, I was googling the names for puppies.. and was asking a friend's opinion as well. The result, I love the name "Wolfi". That is what I call my pup now. And yes, dad and mom call the pup "Don" and I am still stick with "Wolfi" =D
A Really Touching Story about Why A Boy Liked to Have a Crippled Puppy.
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies for Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" the little boy asked. The store owner replied, "anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37" he said. "May I please look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered that it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy I want to buy." The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands."
