9th April 2008
Smile when you make a call, or answer a call; and it's true that the person who hears you, hears you smile too.
I got to know a friend, someone who is so full with life. I have never thought there is such a painful experience that is running on in his life now. Let's refer him as Catch.
The first day I know Catch, I remembered how I tried to distance myself, at the same time try not to be so obvious. Distanced away because i noticed there was some chemistry running within the group i joined that night. Tried not to be so obvious, because he is a new friend, didn't want him to feel offended. However, at the same time, I noticed, he is such a lively person, enjoys life, and appreciates friends. It was actually a short outing that night, I didn't really get much chance to talk much either. haha.. well, not forgotten, I was trying to distance away.
After half a month, I got an overseas call, which I thought was my prince charming calling, but surprisingly, it was Catch calling from Japan. We had a good chat and it ended with a date for me and him when he came back to Penang.
Never cross my mind that I would develop further in the friendship. WE talked about our past, our debts, it was all about joy and sad memories in our life that we shared with each other. Soon, we get along so well with each other and became close friends. Guess what? Now, almost everyday I'll get a wake up call, and that call actually make my day a better one. It's just a wake up call, a short chit chat, and filled with a lot of laugher, my days always start will a sweet smile on my face. And the main reason is, whenever i answer his call, I was always greet by a lively "hello", and straight away I felt that, smile is already there.
11th April 2008
Today, as usual, i got a morning call from Catch in Japan. Everything went well, i even got a second call from him. Yeah, I was really happy. Then he started to talk about his problems again, which always a hurtful things to him. And I will be the one trying to console and trying to make him see clearly of what is his main problem that leads him to how he is now. It's rather sad to do it through chit chatting in skype, you know?
I'm hurt hearing what he said, because that make me realized of the facts that I'm facing now. And the same time, I'm hurt I couldn't do much to help him now. However, realizing the facts that I'm facing now, I went out for a ride during lunch break. I asked myself, do I really know what love is? Or is it all this while, it's simply just a complicated feelings within myself? Does what he is doing now, that is love? If I love this guy, as I thought so, what must I do? Pull him out of his current situation? Or help him to save his current situation?
Once I loved a guy, that which I refer to as my eternal love in my other blog; I hurt him to love him, I hurt myself by hurting him, I hurt his feelings, broke our dreams, just because I want him to be strong, and yet at the same time, i knew, what I did was because of him, that is "I want him to stand up without emotional depends on me," Was that my love? Was that consider love? No regret to see he is happy now. At least i know, he is happy and lucky enough to find a girl whom appreciates he as he is; at least not like me, trying to form a new him by hurting him, instead of leading each other, holding hands. And I thought, that is my way of LOVE, sacrificed my desire just to bring him up.
And today, to be frank, this man I'm seeing, he is a married man who is currently having marital problem with his wife. This is even tougher than the path I was in with my eternal love, I guess. I was told, they have divorced, but they are still staying under one roof. However, each other will have their own life, no one would interfere each other's life. And they have 2 cute little kids.
I told myself, don't ever deny if I really care and if I really love a person. Let the person knows that I care and I love him / her. Yes, I do tell my friends whom I really appreciate that i love them, I do tell them I love you. I tell my parents, i tell my brothers too. That's me. No regrets if I'm dead tomorrow.
So, towards my eternal love, yes, I told him, I love him, I've always do. But I meant nothing to interfere his life now. Then, towards Catch, i did tell him too, yes, I'm loving him so much now. He kept asking me why am I falling for him? I think, Catch seems no confident of my love. Is it because I'm being too frank? Too straight forward? Too good to be true? I may be conservative on certain things, but when it comes to feelings like this, wouldn't it be better to be crystal clear? When things are crystal clear, there won't be complications, right?
Today, through the songs that meant so much for him, I understand now. I shouldn't listen to everything i was told. I could have seen more. Within the song, I felt his love towards his wife. His wife may have turn away now, but he is willing to hold on, and he is willing to accept her, anytime she is ready to come back. And yes, he is hoping and wishing she will be back, turning back, look at him once more.
I'm hurt, but as always, I offer love. But I'm glad, that I really see him as such a loving person, that's why he is so emotional unstable now. I have mentioned in previous blog, that I will never love the same way again. This time, I will not hurt him; I want to help him to win his marriage back. I will do my very best to stand by him, whenever he is in need of a loving heart to heal. Fairy tales can always happen in another way, isn't it? Cry only when I want to, but never in front of those that I love. Because if i do, that will hurt them and actually make their situation and burden worst. I shouldn't.
Ha.. maybe one day, someone would write a story of me "The Legend of A Lovely Love Lady". My, I'm in my dream again. Pardon me for that. Yeah, I look forward so much for love, end of the day, I'm the only one giving and giving, my happily ever after is to see those i love to live happily ever after with their love ones. Maybe you who read this might say I'm a freak, or I hold myself too high, well, what the heck.. love makes me alive, it makes me discourage as well.. maybe I'm just too hunger for a man to hold my hands and walk my life with me. Who knows?
In my previous blog, Love Reminder, I've mentioned that love is an ability, and there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone, not because that person has started hating us, but because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go. It's such a statement to study, you know?
My eternal love, if I ever keep bugging him, telling him I want him back, can you imagine what will happen?
My Catch, if I keep on bugging him, ask him to let her go, and come to me, can you imagine what will happen?
Well, of course those above are very simple questions to think about.. I've think so much of the statement. If only I could cry now, but I can't and I won't, I wish I won't cry. haha.
Nah, I'm just a close friend, and that I shall be. Pain, that is the difference of what it is, and what you want it to be. The luckiest person in this world, the person who is able to love and be loved. It's my wish that you who is reading this blog, that you will find your happily ever after. Let's make a fairy tales come true, it does happen, you know..
Smile when you make a call, or answer a call; and it's true that the person who hears you, hears you smile too.
I got to know a friend, someone who is so full with life. I have never thought there is such a painful experience that is running on in his life now. Let's refer him as Catch.
The first day I know Catch, I remembered how I tried to distance myself, at the same time try not to be so obvious. Distanced away because i noticed there was some chemistry running within the group i joined that night. Tried not to be so obvious, because he is a new friend, didn't want him to feel offended. However, at the same time, I noticed, he is such a lively person, enjoys life, and appreciates friends. It was actually a short outing that night, I didn't really get much chance to talk much either. haha.. well, not forgotten, I was trying to distance away.
After half a month, I got an overseas call, which I thought was my prince charming calling, but surprisingly, it was Catch calling from Japan. We had a good chat and it ended with a date for me and him when he came back to Penang.
Never cross my mind that I would develop further in the friendship. WE talked about our past, our debts, it was all about joy and sad memories in our life that we shared with each other. Soon, we get along so well with each other and became close friends. Guess what? Now, almost everyday I'll get a wake up call, and that call actually make my day a better one. It's just a wake up call, a short chit chat, and filled with a lot of laugher, my days always start will a sweet smile on my face. And the main reason is, whenever i answer his call, I was always greet by a lively "hello", and straight away I felt that, smile is already there.
11th April 2008
Today, as usual, i got a morning call from Catch in Japan. Everything went well, i even got a second call from him. Yeah, I was really happy. Then he started to talk about his problems again, which always a hurtful things to him. And I will be the one trying to console and trying to make him see clearly of what is his main problem that leads him to how he is now. It's rather sad to do it through chit chatting in skype, you know?
I'm hurt hearing what he said, because that make me realized of the facts that I'm facing now. And the same time, I'm hurt I couldn't do much to help him now. However, realizing the facts that I'm facing now, I went out for a ride during lunch break. I asked myself, do I really know what love is? Or is it all this while, it's simply just a complicated feelings within myself? Does what he is doing now, that is love? If I love this guy, as I thought so, what must I do? Pull him out of his current situation? Or help him to save his current situation?
Once I loved a guy, that which I refer to as my eternal love in my other blog; I hurt him to love him, I hurt myself by hurting him, I hurt his feelings, broke our dreams, just because I want him to be strong, and yet at the same time, i knew, what I did was because of him, that is "I want him to stand up without emotional depends on me," Was that my love? Was that consider love? No regret to see he is happy now. At least i know, he is happy and lucky enough to find a girl whom appreciates he as he is; at least not like me, trying to form a new him by hurting him, instead of leading each other, holding hands. And I thought, that is my way of LOVE, sacrificed my desire just to bring him up.
And today, to be frank, this man I'm seeing, he is a married man who is currently having marital problem with his wife. This is even tougher than the path I was in with my eternal love, I guess. I was told, they have divorced, but they are still staying under one roof. However, each other will have their own life, no one would interfere each other's life. And they have 2 cute little kids.
I told myself, don't ever deny if I really care and if I really love a person. Let the person knows that I care and I love him / her. Yes, I do tell my friends whom I really appreciate that i love them, I do tell them I love you. I tell my parents, i tell my brothers too. That's me. No regrets if I'm dead tomorrow.
So, towards my eternal love, yes, I told him, I love him, I've always do. But I meant nothing to interfere his life now. Then, towards Catch, i did tell him too, yes, I'm loving him so much now. He kept asking me why am I falling for him? I think, Catch seems no confident of my love. Is it because I'm being too frank? Too straight forward? Too good to be true? I may be conservative on certain things, but when it comes to feelings like this, wouldn't it be better to be crystal clear? When things are crystal clear, there won't be complications, right?
Today, through the songs that meant so much for him, I understand now. I shouldn't listen to everything i was told. I could have seen more. Within the song, I felt his love towards his wife. His wife may have turn away now, but he is willing to hold on, and he is willing to accept her, anytime she is ready to come back. And yes, he is hoping and wishing she will be back, turning back, look at him once more.
I'm hurt, but as always, I offer love. But I'm glad, that I really see him as such a loving person, that's why he is so emotional unstable now. I have mentioned in previous blog, that I will never love the same way again. This time, I will not hurt him; I want to help him to win his marriage back. I will do my very best to stand by him, whenever he is in need of a loving heart to heal. Fairy tales can always happen in another way, isn't it? Cry only when I want to, but never in front of those that I love. Because if i do, that will hurt them and actually make their situation and burden worst. I shouldn't.
Ha.. maybe one day, someone would write a story of me "The Legend of A Lovely Love Lady". My, I'm in my dream again. Pardon me for that. Yeah, I look forward so much for love, end of the day, I'm the only one giving and giving, my happily ever after is to see those i love to live happily ever after with their love ones. Maybe you who read this might say I'm a freak, or I hold myself too high, well, what the heck.. love makes me alive, it makes me discourage as well.. maybe I'm just too hunger for a man to hold my hands and walk my life with me. Who knows?
In my previous blog, Love Reminder, I've mentioned that love is an ability, and there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone, not because that person has started hating us, but because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go. It's such a statement to study, you know?
My eternal love, if I ever keep bugging him, telling him I want him back, can you imagine what will happen?
My Catch, if I keep on bugging him, ask him to let her go, and come to me, can you imagine what will happen?
Well, of course those above are very simple questions to think about.. I've think so much of the statement. If only I could cry now, but I can't and I won't, I wish I won't cry. haha.
Nah, I'm just a close friend, and that I shall be. Pain, that is the difference of what it is, and what you want it to be. The luckiest person in this world, the person who is able to love and be loved. It's my wish that you who is reading this blog, that you will find your happily ever after. Let's make a fairy tales come true, it does happen, you know..
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