"Please don't worry about me, I know what am I doing,"
That was the message I sent to my dad. Do I really know what am I doing?
Last night, I was in the room, noted down my thoughts and whatever happened for the past weekend. Never bring along the note, now I'm re-writing it, with a better mood, I hope.
Catch came by for the weekend, I've been looking forward for the weekend to arrive. I was even imagining how I shall welcome him. Well, it was supposed to be parked the car, waited him outside the arrival exit, grabbed a big bear hug from him, and that, was all the while my mood since the day he confirmed that he will be arriving by the weekend.
I had training in the office last Saturday. It was supposed to end by 5pm, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I arrived home pretty late. I didn't even have enough time to take a good bath nor pack my bag. Everything was rushing, and I was even late to the airport to pick up Catch. So, I didn't get to hug him then. There, I guess, accumulation of my moody mood started. haha. I'm so full of crap, aye? A hug, cures everything. Hold tight, gently.
So coincidently Catch met his instructor at the same hotel he was staying. I got to know him as well, a nice and funny guy he is. Steve, that's the name. That night, we hang out for late dinner, and for partying in one of the pub in town. So lucky we were, there was a huge police operation in town and we got caught in between. Sigh, they both spent the night waiting for me outside the pub, and I at the same time, standing, sitting, waiting, observing in the pub, while the police got themselves busy by randomly called out some people for urine test. Man, it was my first time caught in this situation. Reminds me of the reasons why I didn't want to get myself involve in partying like this when I was younger.
This weekend, I learnt, whatever you planned, not necessary it will turn out as you planned. Yes, I do aware of this all this while, but I had always try to make my plans run as how I planned. It's kind of difficult to accept and learn this fact, I guess, that's partly why I was moody the past weekend. I tried to question, why it didn't turn out as it was planned? Well, sometimes, unexpected, right? Still, I continue asking, actually the plans can go on as planned, I could have just adjust the timing, no? Yeh.. everything wasn't as planned.
Sunday, I woke up 845am, got hungry, had the Sneakers Catch gave me. Waited till it was almost 1245pm, Catch was awake then. Yeh, that was the plan, late lunch. I didn't want to wake him up, it's more like a holiday weekend here. So, relax as he can, or must. We had a good lunch in Dragon-I, together with Steve too. Then they started to talk about Steve's girlfriend, what's wrong with me? It was like a "click" again to me, am I the same like those girls? And this, also partly why I was moody.
After the lunch, bikini shop. Nah, it didn't look that pretty for me. I didn't like those designs; or maybe they were pretty, but to have it on my body.. hhmm... ugly. haha. Anyway, Steve bought a set for his girlfriend. Remember that day BN told me that HuiLing wore bikini to swim with her and Winnie. Well, I don't even dare to imagine how she looked like in the swim wear. BN said i should get myself one, yeh, I do want, but no, I am not qualified enough. haha. Too shy? Nah, I am not, just don't want anyone to comment negatively about me. hehe.
Anyway, such a sweetheart he is. I know he meant good. Catch asked me to do some shopping, but how would I? I don't even know where I stand yet. Too soon to tell anything. I don't like to spend like how some girls used to tell me,"go ahead, spend it, he is willing to, who cares anyway?" Yeh, some even said,"I got to know this guy, he brought me shopping, so I went in and buy the lingeries, not only 1 set, you know?" How would some girls behave like that? Don't they feel weird and uncomfortable when somebody who is just a friend, or maybe more like a stranger, bought them a lot of stuffs, and spent hundreds or even thousands on them? Most of all, where is the morality?
Too soon to tell anything, because i felt, I'm all this while with my own assumptions and conclusion, me and Catch, we didn't really talk about us. Mom asked me again this morning, still I was blank. I couldn't give an answer, for I myself don't have the answer either. I wanted to ask and talk about so much of things, but then I realized, what was the priority of the weekend. It was supposed to be some kind of holiday for him (and also me lar..lol), so why would I want to ruin the weekend then. However, I am so sorry for I was being so moody the weekend. Catch said," I still prefer the YOU when the first time i met you, the always smiling face," and that's my another "click". Sigh, why the heck I was so self-centered? I knew the priority but I didn't act as it.
That Sunday, in the bathroom, letting the shower filled up the bath tab, flowing through my body, and I was sitting in there, trying to look for the answer,"Do I really know what am i doing?" No answer at all. I was so blank. Very.
Why worry the Later when you can't even handle the Now? Is it because I can't handle the Now, that's why I am worry of the Later? If I am trying to handle the Now, I need to find a solution, but it seems that I am lost in current situation.
Brother knew I am in some kind of emotion disturbed again, that was why when I gave him a call yesterday, he asked where am I and what am I doing. I don't get much support of what I am doing now, will I get his support? I am worry of this too, for current situation, it still seems uncertain to me. What do I have to tell and convince my brother? None. Only my feelings, but that is not enough.
Man, now that I'm writing everything, only I realized that there was so much thing making me moody. Catch told me to share with him and talk to him if I ever ready to do so, but I couldn't. Really. I bet he himself too is very troubled. So, priority. Yeh, it was a holiday trip. Maybe, that was why I was so blank. Didn't want to talk about it but still worried about it. haha. Complicated? Nah, it's just simple. It's just between Do the Right Things & Do Things Right.
I'm feeling better I think. Yeh, as long as i know what is important at the Current, and act as it is, i should be alright. Why would I worry more? Let's see how things go. I'm glad, I met Catch, and that is the most important at all. I'm glad, he is willing to come by, shouldn't I appreciated that? Well, I'm consider lucky too, am I not? Why? He does appreciate me as well, no? Are you thinking that I'm trying to console myself? Maybe you are right, but all I'm doing is, trying not to blind myself with negative thoughts and assumptions. I'm learning to look at the bright side of the situation. Anything that happened, there are a lot of possibilities and outcomes, and reasons too. Take it easy. Think of only things that is within your control. When it involves another party, look for the suitable timing for both parties before trying to confront anything, of course it doesn't mean denying or delaying. hmm.. I remembered i wrote something on that topic last night. I shall write again in a new blog about it.
Today at work, got an email from the Admin Operation Manager, telling me that the company do not practice half day leave, however am given two hours to settle personal things in the morning if necessary, and need to report back to work by 11am.. sigh, my working hour start at 10am alright. And it was written that if I report in later than that, I should apply one day leave. What the heck? Doesn't a company want their staffs to be at work?
Oh, I just finished typing my resignation letter. Keeping it for now. hmm..
Human, funny aye?
That was the message I sent to my dad. Do I really know what am I doing?
Last night, I was in the room, noted down my thoughts and whatever happened for the past weekend. Never bring along the note, now I'm re-writing it, with a better mood, I hope.
Catch came by for the weekend, I've been looking forward for the weekend to arrive. I was even imagining how I shall welcome him. Well, it was supposed to be parked the car, waited him outside the arrival exit, grabbed a big bear hug from him, and that, was all the while my mood since the day he confirmed that he will be arriving by the weekend.
I had training in the office last Saturday. It was supposed to end by 5pm, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I arrived home pretty late. I didn't even have enough time to take a good bath nor pack my bag. Everything was rushing, and I was even late to the airport to pick up Catch. So, I didn't get to hug him then. There, I guess, accumulation of my moody mood started. haha. I'm so full of crap, aye? A hug, cures everything. Hold tight, gently.
So coincidently Catch met his instructor at the same hotel he was staying. I got to know him as well, a nice and funny guy he is. Steve, that's the name. That night, we hang out for late dinner, and for partying in one of the pub in town. So lucky we were, there was a huge police operation in town and we got caught in between. Sigh, they both spent the night waiting for me outside the pub, and I at the same time, standing, sitting, waiting, observing in the pub, while the police got themselves busy by randomly called out some people for urine test. Man, it was my first time caught in this situation. Reminds me of the reasons why I didn't want to get myself involve in partying like this when I was younger.
This weekend, I learnt, whatever you planned, not necessary it will turn out as you planned. Yes, I do aware of this all this while, but I had always try to make my plans run as how I planned. It's kind of difficult to accept and learn this fact, I guess, that's partly why I was moody the past weekend. I tried to question, why it didn't turn out as it was planned? Well, sometimes, unexpected, right? Still, I continue asking, actually the plans can go on as planned, I could have just adjust the timing, no? Yeh.. everything wasn't as planned.
Sunday, I woke up 845am, got hungry, had the Sneakers Catch gave me. Waited till it was almost 1245pm, Catch was awake then. Yeh, that was the plan, late lunch. I didn't want to wake him up, it's more like a holiday weekend here. So, relax as he can, or must. We had a good lunch in Dragon-I, together with Steve too. Then they started to talk about Steve's girlfriend, what's wrong with me? It was like a "click" again to me, am I the same like those girls? And this, also partly why I was moody.
After the lunch, bikini shop. Nah, it didn't look that pretty for me. I didn't like those designs; or maybe they were pretty, but to have it on my body.. hhmm... ugly. haha. Anyway, Steve bought a set for his girlfriend. Remember that day BN told me that HuiLing wore bikini to swim with her and Winnie. Well, I don't even dare to imagine how she looked like in the swim wear. BN said i should get myself one, yeh, I do want, but no, I am not qualified enough. haha. Too shy? Nah, I am not, just don't want anyone to comment negatively about me. hehe.
Anyway, such a sweetheart he is. I know he meant good. Catch asked me to do some shopping, but how would I? I don't even know where I stand yet. Too soon to tell anything. I don't like to spend like how some girls used to tell me,"go ahead, spend it, he is willing to, who cares anyway?" Yeh, some even said,"I got to know this guy, he brought me shopping, so I went in and buy the lingeries, not only 1 set, you know?" How would some girls behave like that? Don't they feel weird and uncomfortable when somebody who is just a friend, or maybe more like a stranger, bought them a lot of stuffs, and spent hundreds or even thousands on them? Most of all, where is the morality?
Too soon to tell anything, because i felt, I'm all this while with my own assumptions and conclusion, me and Catch, we didn't really talk about us. Mom asked me again this morning, still I was blank. I couldn't give an answer, for I myself don't have the answer either. I wanted to ask and talk about so much of things, but then I realized, what was the priority of the weekend. It was supposed to be some kind of holiday for him (and also me lar..lol), so why would I want to ruin the weekend then. However, I am so sorry for I was being so moody the weekend. Catch said," I still prefer the YOU when the first time i met you, the always smiling face," and that's my another "click". Sigh, why the heck I was so self-centered? I knew the priority but I didn't act as it.
That Sunday, in the bathroom, letting the shower filled up the bath tab, flowing through my body, and I was sitting in there, trying to look for the answer,"Do I really know what am i doing?" No answer at all. I was so blank. Very.
Why worry the Later when you can't even handle the Now? Is it because I can't handle the Now, that's why I am worry of the Later? If I am trying to handle the Now, I need to find a solution, but it seems that I am lost in current situation.
Brother knew I am in some kind of emotion disturbed again, that was why when I gave him a call yesterday, he asked where am I and what am I doing. I don't get much support of what I am doing now, will I get his support? I am worry of this too, for current situation, it still seems uncertain to me. What do I have to tell and convince my brother? None. Only my feelings, but that is not enough.
Man, now that I'm writing everything, only I realized that there was so much thing making me moody. Catch told me to share with him and talk to him if I ever ready to do so, but I couldn't. Really. I bet he himself too is very troubled. So, priority. Yeh, it was a holiday trip. Maybe, that was why I was so blank. Didn't want to talk about it but still worried about it. haha. Complicated? Nah, it's just simple. It's just between Do the Right Things & Do Things Right.
I'm feeling better I think. Yeh, as long as i know what is important at the Current, and act as it is, i should be alright. Why would I worry more? Let's see how things go. I'm glad, I met Catch, and that is the most important at all. I'm glad, he is willing to come by, shouldn't I appreciated that? Well, I'm consider lucky too, am I not? Why? He does appreciate me as well, no? Are you thinking that I'm trying to console myself? Maybe you are right, but all I'm doing is, trying not to blind myself with negative thoughts and assumptions. I'm learning to look at the bright side of the situation. Anything that happened, there are a lot of possibilities and outcomes, and reasons too. Take it easy. Think of only things that is within your control. When it involves another party, look for the suitable timing for both parties before trying to confront anything, of course it doesn't mean denying or delaying. hmm.. I remembered i wrote something on that topic last night. I shall write again in a new blog about it.
Today at work, got an email from the Admin Operation Manager, telling me that the company do not practice half day leave, however am given two hours to settle personal things in the morning if necessary, and need to report back to work by 11am.. sigh, my working hour start at 10am alright. And it was written that if I report in later than that, I should apply one day leave. What the heck? Doesn't a company want their staffs to be at work?
Oh, I just finished typing my resignation letter. Keeping it for now. hmm..
Human, funny aye?
No comments:
Post a Comment