the wound

And so, i browsed back some old notes..

The pain has never go away..

Why am I still holding on a promise that is now only belong to me alone?

And so, I look back the old notes..

I counted the days and months...

It was not even a year before you gave up on us..

That was my fault..

I didnt handle it well.

I dont blame you,

I only blame.. how fragile was the bond..

You mentioned no one knows your hidden side..

I knew, I always knew..

but why what we have gone through

wasn't strong enough to hold you on

I have lied

Friends have been asking

"What?! You have been single for so long?"

"I just couldn't get the right man,"

and follow by "hahaha"

Today I told a truth

I have no confidence in myself.

Of what we have nurture, still it was too weak to hold you

Whenever I met a guy,

and wish that I could grow together with him

before anything else happen,

I give up.

I can't afford to cry once more

nor I can't afford to break another soul

though i cry so much for a caring shoulder

of whom i can hold and sleep tight at nights

of whom to give hugs during the laughs and sorrows

I have move on.

I have not move on.

I am happy seeing you are in good shape

They said I should be a bitch and grab you back at the beginning

I just aint that kind of girl

and I am sure..

you do deserve another better girl

I got emo

I guess...

it's time, really

for me to really let go

I have been trying to distance away

God help me please

gosh.. help me

i pray to You..

please allow me to be a person who breaks any promises

he never know.. i cried each time i read through the notes

that was then

it is now too

i miss kk

but i never dare to go back again after my first solo trip

it's meaningless

i still miss kk

but i cant go back

its beyond words to express what is inside now